Blog of an Expressive, Deranged Teenager

Wow. Talk about a pregnant pause

2010-09-20T19:49:00.003+08:00

I'm not going to start off by saying how long it's been since I've blogged.

I'm also not going to apologize for my lack of verbal inspiration.

I'm not going to promise to blog more often.

But I am going to write something. :)

I recently made a connection between two things in my life. You'll see where all this is going before I get halfway through but never mind that.

When I was a baby/toddler, my father used to throw me up in the air. And catch me of course. Yes, I was one of those babies. Anyways it got me wondering whether there's a correlation between being thrown in the air as a child, and liking roller coasters.

In my case, I wonder if it's the source of my love for being in the air, flying between an obstacle and the ground.

Just food for thought. :)

The answer to life's problems

2010-03-11T23:19:00.008+08:00

Honey, could you go take out the trash?
Sure thing. *opens front door*
No. There is an elephant in the way.

How do you put a giraffe in a refrigerator?
Open the fridge, put the...
No. There is an elephant in the way.

Quick, shoot that annoying bird!
No. There is an elephant in the way.

...so then she dumped me!! What do I do? Should I go and ask her for forgiveness?
Well you should, but...
No. There is an elephant in the way.

Eat your friggin vegetables man.
*reaches forward with fork*
No. There is an elephant in the way.

Push! Push! Just keep breathing, the baby's almost out. Come on now one more hard push!
No. There is an elephant in the way.

So what you gonna do? I need my luggage. You cant just tell me that you've lost it.
Well sir we're trying our very best to find out where your luggage went and we're sur...
No. There is an elephant in the way.

Hey dude. Got a light?
No. There is an elephant in the way.

So just tell him that he can go screw himself. Tell him that for me aite?
No. There is an elephant in the way.

Is it in?
No. There is an elephant in the way.

Dude you look like a bus fell on you. You should go get some sleep.
I want to, but...
No. There is an elephant in the way.

Can you burn me a dvd?
No. There is an elephant in the way.

GIMME ALL YOUR MONEH *pulls out knife*
No. There is an elephant in the way.

Okay class, time to hand up that 12 page essay.
No. There is an elephant in the way.

So by seeing how Achilles treated Hector's corpse, what can you say about the hubris of man?
Achilles didn't to anything to Hector's corpse.
There was an elephant in the way.

It's about time for you to grow up man!
No. There is an elephant in the way.

For Kyle

2010-03-02T14:32:00.002+08:00

Not unlike marriage vows,
Our friendship was firm.

But unavoidable conclusions came early,
We spiraled ever downwards.

Helix, over double helix we fell,
Tracing smoke and red.

I wish not to see your face,
Cursed thief.

For you stole yet again,
A chunk of us.

Till death do us part?
We part.

To everyone I know and don't know,

2009-12-25T15:02:00.001+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

Low-goes

2009-12-22T00:15:00.005+08:00

Tentative logos, hopefully soon to be finalized. We went for the whole urban feel (because we're an urban church) and that's a theme we hope to keep across all the logos.

Went for the stencil look for Blue Fish Center (Darlene's awesome idea), and a stamp look for the CDPC Puchong logo. I'll probably redo the grunge later on to make it look more stamp like.

Tracing a Path

2009-12-18T00:31:00.015+08:00

My heart races, pumping oxygen to my muscles,
My hearing sharpens, and my eyes focus ahead,
I am alert, artfully balancing the precarious edge between safety and injury,
I know my element well, and am one with the surface beneath me.

My movements are silent and controlled,
Feet lighting upon the rooftop, I flit between shingle and concrete,
I have befriended my body, and it is eager to provide what I require of it,
Even still, my rational mind is appalled at the prospect of what I must do.

It approaches; The leap that I must make,
I have done it a hundred times before yet still I fear.
But with every step that brings me ever closer to the precipice,
I move through the fear, for I must; There can be no hesitation.

I master my thoughts and push forward,
Adjusting my footing instinctively, the ball of my right foot meets the edge,
I see where I will land a good 12 feet away,
And with an explosion of speed, I leap.

My eyes lose focus as my peripheral vision momentarily takes over,
My hearing is obscured by the rush of wind,
My heart beats but a single time,
And for that perfect moment in time...

I fly.

Anniversary Restoration

2009-12-14T03:05:00.005+08:00

I restored of my parents' old wedding pictures for my their Silver Anniversary... Enjoy. =)

Yellow

2009-11-28T21:14:00.005+08:00

You knew me as a child,
But it doesn't give you the right to treat me as such.

I'd rather much prefer if we dealt with things like matured, upfront adults.

I cannot have you

2009-11-16T12:06:00.006+08:00

I hate you,
Oh for what you are.

That for you, I crave,
And are that which I desire.

That for your warm embrace,
I lust.

And even though so very wrong,
Like smoke, control eludes my grasp.

Innocence is fragile,
And before you, I shatter.

The New House

2009-11-04T23:40:00.002+08:00

This was ages ago before we moved in while the house was still a bare bone and absolutely empty. =)

Continuation

2009-11-04T18:29:00.036+08:00

So, my life after NS...

It was all too easy to adjust back and slip into old habits. It made me question how far the governments good intentions are going to carry when there's no follow up program and no personal incentive to live with the "values" that they forcibly imparted.

When the government picked me for national service I bet they didn't pause to think twice about the social ramifications it would have on my life. Well okay, they didn't. A computer randomly selected us trainees. Sure it may cause a hiccup in my life, but what off teens from financially tight families who are working two jobs to support their siblings? That's going to cause more than a hiccup. Machines are cold and impersonal and know nothing about how it'll affect someone's life by changing the binary code assigned to their name from a zero to a one.

Three months is not much in the overall scope of one's life, but it's sure enough to fall out from most of one's social circles. I feel even more isolated from people than before, as if my brief absence aided my deviant personality in further alienating people from me. Any depth I had fought to obtain, gone with the erosion of time. Though people say I'm sociable, I find it hard to relate to others. I'm perceptive and that makes it easy for others to relate to me, but the same is not always true the other way around.

I feel like a blood O- donor; able to give to everyone but only able to receive from the exact same type.

I feel as if I'm closed off inside a bubble outside of which is vacuum, screaming as tension pulls me apart but unheard in the endless void of space.

I feel like eating dinner now.

Overdue Update

2009-10-21T23:04:00.007+08:00

It's been forever since I've touched this blog. My hesitance to return here is namely because I fell out of the habit and knew that once I started, it would again consume large chunks of my time. And yet here I am. Sigh.

The first thing I should write about is, of course, National Service. 3 disgustingly long months of my life spent as far east of east Malaysia as you can get while still being in Malaysia; Tawau. I would best describe it as a combination between incredibly packed schedules, not enough sleeping hours, and mixed rice for every lunch and dinner. Add nonsensical rules, crap quality uniforms and bad living conditions, and you'll have a pretty good overview of what my camp was like.

It may just be me, but I think that NS is based on a poorly planned system that wasn't thought through well enough before it was implicated. If I hadn't been selected as company commander I can safely say that I wouldn't have taken ANYTHING away from those three months at all. For pete's sake, they treat us like kids.

Allow me to illustrate my point. For starters, we are asked to decorate our dorm rooms. They give us paper and crayons and ask us to be creative. They even show us examples from the previous batches, and lookie here, they've copied their wall decor straight from my mother's child development center, where the kids range from 3 to 6 years old.

Maybe that's acceptable. After all, we spend all our free time in the dorms and they may as well look cheerful (albeit childish). But allow me to tell you about the character building and patriotic classes. In order to "make sure we're focused and enthusiastic" for a lesson, they make us to sing a silly song while doing a dance that accompanies it before the class starts.

There was one time they actually forced everyone to do the chicken dance, enthusiastically. They spread us out in a neat grid so they had a clear view of everyone and told us that if even one of us didn't do it with all our heart, we'd all have to do it again. I don't want to state how many times we had to restart. Their reason for it (and of course they have one) was that we needed to learn how to let our hair down at times and not care about what other people think about us. A good lesson for some to learn but they clearly forgot that a portion of society actually hold dignity in their souls.

And there they were at other times, complaining and scolding us for being childish, telling us that we needed to grow up and be responsible people.

In one of the early speeches a woman proudly told us that Malaysia was the only country that conducted their national service non-military style (obviously not counting the marching, the incomplete and largely disappointing M16A1 training in which they didn't even teach gun safety, the army style discipline they implemented). I would describe it as a pseudo-military summer boot camp but a friend of mine describes it far more eloquently.

"The only reason they don't conduct it military style, is because they conduct it kindergarten style" -Darlene

Now I would gladly rant on about the million other things I didn't like about it but I really should conclude. NS might do some good to an immature and unfit teenager who's exposure to the world can be quantified as abysmally little, but not much for someone like me. Their actual reason for the whole thing is to promote harmony between the different races. For some reason they've got it into their heads that spending in excess of 500 million (8k per person)each year on a bunch of 18 year olds with their own worldviews to promote racial harmony works better than starting some program in primary school which would be cheaper and probably more effective.

And my life after NS? Wait for the next update. =)

Dating Insanity

2009-08-09T10:41:00.002+08:00

Between slowly descending into the depths of insanity, and being aware of that decent, lies a debate as to which is scarier. The very act of debating however, is an act of rationality and thus must be carried out within the shrinking, fragile bubble of sanity that is left. It is an unpredictable race with an outcome that ultimately does not matter, for succeeding in finding an answer or failing which, there is still naught to do but descend further. If the irresistible allure of insanity is fought with tenacity and adamance, it just might be combated and forced to retreat. It may shrivel to the size of but a minuscule seed, a tiny harmless threat, but it will never truly fade away. It will always lurk in the dark recesses, waiting for water, light, and a chace to grow again; a chance to seize complete and utter control.

Relax,
Relapse,
Sink further than before,
And then some.

This raises some questions, like whether you can be insane and aware of it, since insanity is basically living in a altered reality which doesn't have to be based on anything objective. Which then queries the sanity of everyone. There's the makings of a movie here, where everyone is insane and there's only one sane person in the whole world, which causes everyone else to think HE'S the one who's insane.

And what if you WANTED to go insane?

The loss of a close one, the loss of security, the loss of everything that was expected to last. A dozen different reasons which could cause one to want insanity, figuring that it's actually easier to get by when you're not rational.

A plea for insanity,
A feeble crippled cry,
A longing for the numbness,
But a denial from his presence.

A desperate crawl in his direction,
As he dances gleefully in circles,
About and around your haunted mind,
Taunting you before he skips away.

he brushes your shoulder upon the street,
Then slips away into the crowd,
He beckons at you from afar,
Tantalising you with a cruel charm.

You set your eyes upon him,
And he held your heart in his hands,
But much akin to a fragile flute,
He played you.

The Jump

2009-07-10T13:46:00.002+08:00

The Journal of Trainee ECHO-119

Excerpt 4

The Jump

A familiar wave of panic,

Rising much alike the sun,

Both inevitable, constant,

And sure to reach a peak.

Passing its peak it then sets,

With all the grace of a receding flood;

Sneaking away and gone before we’re fully aware,

But nevertheless leaving a trail of destruction.

Dawn to dusk in but a moment,

The sun is quickly forced to give way to the moon.

Her radiance seeps into everything,

As she takes her place as rightful ruler of the night.

Her light imbues all with a calm,

And the harshness of the sun,

Now nothing but a scant memory,

Will be forgotten and replaced with serendipity.

Nothing can escape her,

As she soars above in all her splendor.

Stretching the very fabric of time,

She expands her beauty to a subjective eternity.

Wind brushing against my face,

Everything is then extinguished in an instant,

As gravity finally reasserts itself,

And my feet once again meet the ground.

To be blogged about when I return.

Docendo discimus

2009-07-05T16:45:00.001+08:00

Excerpt 3

I slipped on my own shoes,

The familiar sensation of the soles

Treaded and jumped upon thousands of times,

Returning and comforting me.

The memory of every step,

Every jump,

Every landing,

Rushing down upon me.

And like a wave of instincts,

With all conscious streams of thought,

Slowly but surely blacking out,

I run.

We’re divided into three companies – Alpha, Bravo, and Charlie. I’m in Company Charlie. More specifically, I’m leader of Company Charlie. Me, an awkward Chinese boy, who knows scant Malay, in a position of leadership I’m not sure I can fulfill. I hope I’ll be able to motivate and inspire my company the way a leader should. And I hope that I’ll be able to learn by teaching at the same time.

Docendo discimus.

Spiritual Onions

2009-06-28T18:30:00.002+08:00

The Journal of Trainee ECHO-119

Excerpt 2-

Never rely on that which may be unreliable.

Nothing is reliable.

Saturday evening. Two boys get possessed. Everyone’s pretty freaked out but a group of Muslim trainers seem to have it under control. One of them asked for onions. Don’t ask me why. They shooed the rest of us out of the block.

Sunday morning. Last I heard, both of the boys were sent to the medic and are still there.

Sunday afternoon. One boy is released. As we assembled to do a roll call, the aforementioned boy is repossessed. He goes stiff as if rigor mortis is setting in.

Sunday evening. We eat dinner early. As I fork some rice into my mouth, a girl screams. And then screams again. Everyone stands up and backs away from her, with the exception of her closest friend. She then clutches her chest and screams again as if something is trying to get into her. They seat her down as she is sweating. One of the trainers go over to her and there is no further screaming. She is then brought to the medic. All of this takes place within two minutes.

Sunday, right now. Everyone is more spooked than yesterday. I think I’m one of the few that are unafraid. They’re now gathering us according to religion. I assume they’re going to let us pray or something.

Chi

2009-06-21T18:27:00.003+08:00

Note from Sarah: For the next three months, Sam will read out his journal excerpts to me on the phone when we get to talk on weekends, and I'll post them here. Here's post number one!

Sam waiting to board the bus.....off to NS.

The Journal of Trainee ECHO-119

– Excerpt 1: They have a nickname for me now: Chi. I’m going to assume it’s the equivalent of “chink,” but in Malay. Incidentally, tea at breakfast today was diluted. “Chai” means “tea” in India. I wonder if it’s a metaphor for our Chinese culture, and how it’s going to fare here.

Hmmm….so much to say. There have been so many things to get adjusted to, and many things outside my comfort zone. For starters, we have to wake up at 4.30 in the morning. For those who know me, you’d know that that’s usually when I haven’t slept yet. We have ridiculous rules such as not being allowed out of our dorms without wearing long pants, shoes, and tucked-in shirts. There’s also nothing to train parkour here. Everything’s made out of chipboard and wood. It’s so frustrating. And in the whole camp, there are only nine of us who speak English, and only one who speaks it proficiently; that being me. There’s also way too much to say so let’s just leave it as being incredibly crappy, but just enough to get by. I miss my normal life.

The stroke of midnight

2009-06-16T00:02:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow morning will be really busy so I'm blogging right now. Today is the day that I leave for NS and I have to be up by 6 so get ready. To all those of you who reminded me to get an early night, you have my insincere apologies. ;)

My cell phone number while I'm there will be 0176920093. I'll only have my phone on the weekends.

I've also given my sister posting abilities so she may update my blog for you guys once in a while.

The 82 day countdown begins now. :)

Parting

2009-06-14T23:44:00.004+08:00

is such sweet sorrow.

Pah, only those part of the Tan family clan will get that. But that's not the point.

I'm leaving this Tuesday to spend three months doing what I would prefer to describe as "wasting tax payers money". Well I'll be sure to make loads of friends at NS and it should to be fun in that respect. But put them together and you'll realize that I'm actually indirectly spending tax payers money to make friends. That should put your hearts at rest, knowing that the painful sum you parted with last month will go towards my network of friends.

But anyways. It's a flurry of packing and getting things in order. I've been deciding what's too precious to take at the risk of getting stolen, and what's too crappy to last me the whole duration.

Hopefully my state of mind lies in between.

5 More Days

2009-06-11T01:25:00.001+08:00

Till I wave goodbye to a comfortable life.

National service is creeping dangerously close and no, I'm not ready for it.

:)

Dedicated to,

2009-06-03T22:43:00.003+08:00

A boy,
A son,
A man.

Someone I knew,
Someone I didn't know,
Someone wish I knew better.

One who lived,
One who thrived,
One who felt pain yet enjoyed life.

Loved to jest,
Loved guitar,
Loved.

Flash of speed,
Flash of air,
Flash of life.

A wake,
A memorial,
A cremation.

Boy,
Son,
Ash.

Dear Vern,
Rest in peace.

Destructive Tendencies

2009-05-22T01:01:00.008+08:00

I wonder if deep inside, we're all really as dark as the people we choose to ignore.

-Design is mine, font is not

Edit: Originally "Destructive Instincts". I decided "Destructive Tendencies" sounded more poetic.

Who said geometry was hard?

2009-05-21T16:11:00.000+08:00

Score!

2009-05-20T18:33:00.003+08:00

And so the news is here, arriving in its customary form; a thick and somewhat intimidating letter. Filled with numerous forms and complicated Malay words with meanings to which I'm unsure of, I finally know where I'll be spending three months of my life.

Tawau.

It's on the East side of Sabah which for those of you who aren't from around here, is pretty much as far as you can be from where I live and still be in Malaysia.

I guess that I will be missing most of the three months that my sister will be spending back here in Malaysia for her summer holidays. I guess that I wont be there to greet Seth when he arrives on this side of the continent. I guess that now it's even more probable that I'll miss Veronica and Wee Lee's wedding. And I guess this screws up the road trip plan to visit me that Ty had.

Malaysian government = 1

Sam = 0

You're a bad shot

2009-05-14T23:44:00.001+08:00

You shot me, aimed at the heart,
But missed, and hit my butt....

Great, now my butt's in love with you.

-Inspired by Sean's PM

Face transplants

2009-05-07T23:44:00.002+08:00

As if plastic surgery wasn't enough, apparently now it's possible to have a face transplant. While this'll shine rays of hope into the lives of the disfigured, what will it mean for the rest of us?

50 years down the road:

Hey man how's it goin? I'm Sam... Nice to meet you...

What is that you say? Facebook?

Gosh you're so old fashioned.

Lets just swap faces instead... =)

State Trip

2009-04-28T17:11:00.004+08:00

Did an edit of some footage I took while I was in the states. =)

A task that I both succeeded and failed at

2009-04-25T21:34:00.030+08:00

A steady beat is tattooed upon my eardrums

A song I like

It's my stop

And the same applies for everyone else, the hundreds of them

A rush of people as we all abandon the train

Flowing down the stairs as a liquid, I am the only Chinese in sight

Everyone else is Malay

Everyone is bumped and pushed around as they rush to stick their ticket into the machine, giving them access to the open space beyond

I am not part of that everyone

And I am given a wide girth

It's probably because my hairdo has a tendency to make strangers nervous

They all head in one direction, and I in the other

Apparently everyone is here to see Selangor's state team play soccer

I am not part of that everyone either

So I cross the street, away from the hustle

And join the group of people waiting for taxis

I notice a Malay lady with two young children, aged between 2 and 5

While she cradles the younger one against her chest, she attempts to flag down a cab

There are two people in front of her

Two cabs pull up

Two for two

And so the woman is disregarded

We stand there for a further 10 minutes as a lull in the frequency of cabs decided to take hold

During that duration more people take up their positions in front of us

A cab drives by, already holding a passenger

The all so common raiser of short lived hope

And then it approaches, the first empty cab in what seemed like an eternity

I walk out further than anyone else to flag the cab

Oddly enough the cab heads for me, almost as if to reward my initiative

Or maybe it was heading for the woman with the children

I won't know as she was rather close behind me

I gesture to the woman; A silent communication letting her know that I've decided to let her take the cab

She raises a hand in a silent word of thanks

And then the cab driver decides that he doesn't want to take the woman to where she needs

It's too far, or in the wrong direction

Or for some other meaningless reason it's too much trouble it seems, to aid her and her two children

He drives off before anyone else can get to him

What an oddity

I am annoyed

Another lull in taxis, so soon that it seems cruel

It's been half an hour that I'm standing here now, waiting

And for her, even longer

A silver car then proceeds to pull up on the opposite side of the road

As prearranged, my father has arrived to pick me

So I cross and get in

And as a different beat starts to tattoo itself upon my eardrums

I wonder if the woman noticed that I was trying to flag down a cab for her

Light can be unwelcomed

2009-04-23T19:23:00.003+08:00

Raw and unchecked, expressive in ways I shouldn't be.

Deliberately revealing things about myself which others might think to hide.

I'll put on no facade for this is what I can be at times; An ugly person.

But I'm an ugly person who knows it, and who doesn't care for pretending.

I'm not afraid to embarrass myself, or show weakness, or flaw.

I wont fear to show the world what I really am.

And even if I am rejected in my entirety, I wont care.

For I'm secured in the knowledge that my strength is not dependent upon acceptance.

I believe in being honest to one's own self.

Alongside which comes being honest about one's self.

Frankly, I'm sick of pretending to be what I'm not.

And so begins this brutal crusade to light up some of my dark corners.

Apologies if my light accidentally shines into some of your own.

Or maybe I'm not sorry.

On the topic of cussing

2009-04-22T18:11:00.005+08:00

Okay so a lot of people have been complaining about me cussing on my blog. Allow me to explain.

Someone once told me that the utilization of swear words were reserved for people who were too inarticulate to express themselves otherwise. That cussing was for people without enough linguistic prowess, or for people who were simply just not polished enough.

Well doubtless to say, I am not lacking in linguistic skill. Maybe it's because I'm an unpolished person then.

Yes... That must be it. Unpolished seems to fit in with my personality anyways. Look at my room and you'll get the idea.

Or maybe it's because sometimes an emotion simply cannot be expressed otherwise. Maybe it's because an emotion is so crude, it cannot be translated into words in an elegant way.

Maybe it's because sometimes the most polished, elegant, and efficient way of portraying something is not by using a string of muted words, but with a single word. Would you rather read an entire paragraph on a detached emotion, or understand and empathize with it in a single syllable?

Option 1: I am currently feeling a negative emotion associated with anger which makes me want to either punch something violently, thus damaging it and releasing some of my tension, or surrender myself to a temporary but satisfying depression.

Option 2: Fuck.

I'm an expressive person. I think I'll stay with the latter for now.

Sorry if I offended anyone.

Crap, Utter Crap

2009-04-22T00:14:00.004+08:00

To work for something.

Correction, to strive.

To set your eyes upon that which you desire.

To sweat blood in order to achieve it.

To run so hard that every step is an eternity.

To sacrifice in order to obtain.

To hurt but persevere.

To sacrifice more.

To reach out.

To stretch one's fingers within reach.

And to have it snatched away.

Permanently.

Life can be a bitch.

Fuck this.

A friendship lost, A world divorced

2009-04-11T12:52:00.006+08:00

Tensions run high, higher,
Very much like the over tightening of a tight rope,
With me and you on opposite sides,
And everything at stake balancing precariously in between.

And amongst all that is poised to fall and plummet,
Turned loose the moment the cable snaps,
Are whole parts of ourselves,
Exchanged and given within a friendship.

Tensions fall low, lower,
Very much like a cable uncoiling itself to the ground,
A once taut ideal of what would last,
Now a bittersweet memory of things soon forgotten.

And amongst the things soon to be lost,
Given to the shroud of everything unremembered,
Are the parts of ourselves and of each other,
That we selfishly tossed so we didn't have to love.

Billings_MT

2009-04-09T16:24:00.003+08:00

Well as most of you know, I've been away for the past two weeks visiting the states with my father. The first leg of our journey was to Billings.

I got to experience a rather wide variety of things while I was there.

I got to see the most snow I've ever seen in my life.

I got to hang out with people from an entirely different culture.

I got go hiking in frigid weather.

I got to eat wild game.

I got to snowboard.

I got to watch a movie on a 10 feet screen.

I got to learn some stuff about video editing.

I got to sit in a hot tub while 15 inches of snow fell around me.

I got to make a snow midget.

I got to drift in an Audi.

Well that's just the gist of it really.

Americans are interesting people. They are not unlike Malaysians in many ways, yet differ from us in more ways than I thought possible.

When it comes to teenagers, the core elements remain.

The desire to be accepted, to be appraised, to be with the 'in' crowd. Teenagers will be teenagers. You get the point.

But looking beyond that and more into their culture, that's where the differences lay.

Americans have a heightened sense of individuality. They also often have the desire to express that individuality. So between that and a fear of offending others, a balance must be struck. Of course this doesn't refer to all Americans. Just some.

Another thing about them. They are way more upfront about things. Something I've decided that I like. Oftentimes when they have something on their mind that they want to say, they will, unless they think it might severely offend someone maybe. It goes back to the precarious balancing thing. And then you'll have those that'll say anything anyways. Which kinda reminds me of Ty, you stereotypical American kid. But I love you, so you'll forgive me. =)

They are also way more friendly to strangers. I don't know how far that friendliness stretches, but for most of the part they seem pretty helpful.

Back to the kids of America. They all seem to mature so much faster than they do here. They grow up at an earlier age you might say. They also value creativity and intellect. What I am unsure of however, is whether they grow in depth at an earlier age, or whether they just aren't willing to be vulnerable.

That's one thing about their culture that's similar to ours. They are conditioned to think that they are supposed to be strong individuals, with nothing to pull them down. They always have that happy go lucky, trivial attitude that majority of the teenagers here have too.

All the above statements are of course based on my limited interaction with them and may of course be inaccurate. Feel free to right my wrongs... =P

So anyways there are some funny things about America. Like the way they drive on the other side of the road, which pretty much freaked the hell outta me for the first day or so. (definitely or so) They also don't care much for instant coffee, which starts to make sense when you see the number of their coffee shops. There is also possibly not a single building without WiFi. It's too easy to stay connected there. And the internet speeds they get there are so fast, it's disgusting really. It's practically been torture since I've gotten home. Which leads me to another facet.

The temperature and humidity. While I was there the temperatures were always lingering around zero degrees Celsius, with a variance of about 4. Humidity levels were also incredibly low.

So instead of suffering for 2 weeks, I decided to get used to the weather there.

I did.

Big mistake.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HOT AND HUMID IT IS IN MALAYSIA.

My air conditioning unit is blasting air that's as cold as it can, and I'm shirtless and still hot. -.-'

Anyways after Billings, we dropped by Grand Rapids to visit my sister.

I got to check out the campus, and their rock climbing gym. Which is awesome might I add.

I also got to compress some philosophical discussions into neat 30 minute sections. Now though I wish they could have been longer, they'll have to suffice till Sarah gets back in the summer.

Now that pretty much sums up my trip to the states. A detailed story would take way too long to write here so just ask me in real life. I'm also not going to post up any photos because the internet here is just too much of a pain to use. When I get my external hard drive I'll edit some of the footage I caught and I'll post it up here.

So the journey home took 34 hours all in all. The longest portions being a 12 hour flight, a 7 hour flight, and an 8 hour transit in Singapore. The rest went somewhere. But it wasn't all wasted time. On one of the flights I looked out of the window and saw some clouds, which prompted the following poem.

I gaze down upon white curtains of clouds,
With the knowledge that you are gazing back up.

And while I see a veil that separates us,
You see a dog, your gramma's face, or whatever it is you see.

An obstruction to what could be something beautiful,
Is seen by you as the object of beauty itself.

I'm sure that we're both staring at the same cloud,
Sure that if not for it our eyes would meet.

And while I write this bold metaphor,
You gaze at this friendship, and think it beautiful.

Out Of Order

2009-03-30T13:56:00.001+08:00

Haven't updated in ages. I know. Well I've been busy as heck an been having a blast so there's my excuse. =) I'm in Montana right now but am kinda a little too tired to write much.

Anyways I'll update in around a weeks time from now so pop back around then.

Self Worth

2009-03-19T16:39:00.031+08:00

Where do we derive our self worth from?

For some, it comes from being able to do things that others can't. For others, it comes from being better than others. The list goes on. Having done things that others haven't. Being accepted. Being appraised. Having things that others don't (monetary, knowledge, physical appearance).

I'm pretty sure that I missed some, but in the end it's always about the illusion of being more than the other person, being superior in some way. You get the point.

And so what happens when someone else saunters in, with more than you? And might I add, in ka-frickin abundance.

Well we all react differently.

Some choose to point out the flaws of others so as to cover up their own. Some strive endlessly to better themselves for the sole purpose of being once again, on the top. Some throw themselves recklessly into a world of experiences they aren't ready for. Some make a big fuss of themselves merely to get attention. Some put on an act to be approved by certain crowds. Some buy things needlessly to show off, or to fit in. Some hurt others on the way, and being far to self absorbed to notice, won't bat an eyelid.

It doesn't matter how you react. The very threatening of your self worth is often enough to make anyone do anything, just to be able to feel themselves once again, secured. So here's something to keep in mind. The next time your self worth is at stake, make sure you don't hurt the one's you love. Security and self worth can always be regained, reassigned, remade.

Some friendships can't.

(This section is for Ty because he asked)

My self worth is mostly derived from my use to others. I echo with the philosophy of Georges Hébert's Method Natural; "Be strong to be useful". Thinking seriously, what use am I if I can only serve myself? I'd prolly live a pretty nice life, grow old, and die, and the world would not even notice. But if I can be of use to others, then I'll make a change, leave a mark on the earth, and be of benefit to someone other than myself. Valuable items that are locked in a secret chest are worth nothing to no one if forgotten.

Quite literally, if I am of no use to others, then I am worth none. That is why I seek to progress myself; For others. I won't lie and pretend that I'm really that altruistic, though I aspire to be. Point is, I want to be better so that I can help others.

That's why I teach. Why I give counsel. Why I take the effort to share what I've suffered so hard to learn. Why I make you laugh when I know you need it. Why I shut up about your lies even when they're obvious. Why I take the brunt of things even though I really don't need to.

It's all because I can.

It's because I'm worth nothing if I don't share myself.

Or maybe it's because I might secretly want part of myself to live on in the world after I die, though I think I'll stick with the former until I can decide for myself... =)

Anyways, I hope that I managed to make you question what your self worth and security is based upon.

I've done some of my thinking.

Now it's your turn... ;D

Off for the weekend

2009-03-13T08:25:00.003+08:00

Here comes the RipTreat, signaling the end of my relatively peaceful sleep cycle.

Anyways... I often look at the chances of something happening, out of all other possibilities, and wonder how things work. Could it be that every event is merely the conglomeration of all our intentions, decisions, and actions? Could it be that any single action will cause a ripple that will spread from one being to another, on and on? Could it be, that by my eating a burger on this particular spot in space and time, I will cause a man to fall in love and live a fulfilled life?

If so, then this burger is more than it seems, and incredibly worth to eat.

If not, then I'll decide to enjoy this burger anyways.

I

2009-03-11T18:44:00.004+08:00

I think that I'm uncool because I can't speak like a Malaysian.

I sometimes try (and fail) to put on a Malaysian accent.

I secretly suspect that people think I'm trying to "act cool" just because I speak different.

I'm sick of people asking where I studied overseas, or where I'm from.

I'm tired of dealing with intransigent people.

I'm amused when people wonder how I open number locks so easily.

I think that the things that matter to my friends don't matter as much to me.

I wonder how I grew up so differently from the rest.

I wonder why I have so many lucid dreams.

I wonder why I'm always flying in my non-lucid dreams.

I feel inadequate for what's to come.

And bloody hell, neither do I

2009-03-10T20:27:00.008+08:00

I hate who I am; what I am. That I have to pretend, and brush things off as being trivial though they matter to me intensely. I'm sick of being stuck within the superficial. I'm jealous of those who can afford to be themselves, because what they are by nature is normal and within acceptable bounds.

I've never been one to conform to social norms, but even as I stand outside of them, I feel so very, very, alone.

If you experienced even a fraction of my struggle, you wouldn't be so quick to judge.

And it's not my fault that I can look at people and know them for what they truly are. I've spent so long pretending that now I'm practically a master at the art. Your petty feints don't fool me. Your badly placed diversions don't misguide me.

But what I hate the most, is that you can afford not to pretend, and yet you do. You cover up such inane things, so afraid of having people find them out. We are both guilty of pretending. Where we differ, however, is that I am not in a position to choose whether or not I pretend. It was chosen for me from birth.

We differ in that you are a white canvas, with thinly applied blotches of black where you try and paint them, clumsily trying to cover up what you do not want seen. Easy enough to see through if you are a painter. And I am but a black canvas, with neat streaks of white precisely where I wish them. It is given that within the depths of the black is a roiling turmoil, but you know about me, only what I reveal to you and let you know.

So do not pretend to know me. You don't.

You. Don't. Know. Me.

Scripting My Life

2009-03-05T18:26:00.007+08:00

Int. Consular Section. Morning

A constant low chatter is heard as people shuffle about the room. Numbers are occasionally called out in the background, along with a slight rustle as a person responds to the number. Putting several papers back into a clear folder, Samuel Wong, aged 18, smiles pleasantly towards a glass pane. On the other side of the glass, a middle aged American diplomat (female) finishes typing several sentences and gazes back up.

Diplomat

(pleasant)

Congratulations sir, you passed your
interview. Your visa has been approved.

Samuel smiles.

Samuel
(unfazed)

Thanks much.

Several seconds later he realizes by the look on her face that she expects him to collapse in relief. Smiling knowingly, he continues on with his naturally cool demeanor, finishing off his business with her and thanking her once more.

Fin.

I really should be more excited about this. Okay, lemme make an effort here.

OH MY GOSH I'M GOING TO MONTANA BABY!!! MONTANA! AND I'MA GET TO SEE MA SISTER IN MICHIGAN!!! WHOAAA@GWOA!UHW#%$EFLI#@&%GA

Lemme guess... I overdid it with the all-caps?

Well long story short, I got my visa approved and will be heading to the states for a couple. I'll be spending the better part of my stay in Montana, after which I'll be visiting my sister, and hopefully chilling at the rock climbing gym at her college. Now how awesome is that? =)

Now if only I could go back in time and post this yesterday. How creepy would that be....

I Wait

2009-03-03T16:37:00.005+08:00

A promise made is only a promise,
Within it a hope of pulling through,
With the potential to require sacrifice,
And to demand some loss in order to gain.

Know that the promise I made,
I shall not forget,
And that soon the day will come,
Where I will fulfill my promise to you.

Charge Up

2009-02-28T00:46:00.001+08:00

So I'm in Penang now, and there's Internet! Well I've really just been so busy that I haven't the time to blog, and tomorrow is gonna be even busier as we'll be starting our shoot after we get our equipment. Not to mention post production has to be done in the same day. But oh well, I've done worse.

Anyways this was just a quick update which isn't really much of an update at all, but more so a reminder to certain friends, to hang in there and stay strong. I'm only a phone call away if you ever need me.

-Sam-

Grow up

2009-02-25T11:49:00.001+08:00

I don't expect you to be the best of the best, or even any better than others; Only the best that you can be.

Dust

2009-02-18T05:45:00.001+08:00

Few people know the value of anonymity... And those that do?

Usually aren't known.

Hula Hoop

2009-02-17T00:19:00.003+08:00

You're like a hula hoop,
With those rattling things inside,
Buzzing around and around my head,
Constantly droning on to the rhythm....

Of your hips,
As they sway,
Away and away,
In my imagination....

No, I'm not this creepy in real life. Okay maybe just a little...

But if you were there, you'd know. =)

And now it's Jamie's turn.

The boy

2009-02-14T12:10:00.006+08:00

The boy in a corner thinking and torn,
Between a girl and the words of a song,

The boy who gave her a single red rose,
And in turn received a kiss on the nose,

The boy who became the happiest man,
When she said yes and smiled as they ran,

The boy who sang his heart out for her,
Bound to be her sadness's cure,

The boy who wanted to hold her hand,
To love and cherish her till the end,

The boy who kissed her as she was gold,
Who finally found his heart truly sold,

The boy who would laugh over candlelight dinner,
He'd sacrifice all his dreams just to keep her,

The boy who'd found the love of his life,
To laugh and joke with through the strife,

The boy who did not want to part,
Though time and space would stretch his heart,

The boy whom reason had won his hand,
Though promises he made, he'd continue to lend,

The boy who's heart would continue to tear,
Between what seems right and what seems fair,

The boy who missed her intimate touch,
And the feel of her skin as they hugged on the couch,

The boy who's friendship with her knows no end,
Though he wishes things were, as they were then,

The boy who is sitting here, all alone,
Reminiscing his valentine days of old.

Gentlemanly Thief

2009-02-08T23:57:00.005+08:00

I strained my left calf recently. Due to my style of walking, it basically means that I cant put much weight on my left leg, or else my calf will seize up and collapse.

Today, I was walking down the stairs in a mall (cause the escalator was broke), and there was a woman in front of me. Because of my bad leg, I was forced to hobble along behind her at more or less the same pace that she was descending at, instead of sprinting down and dashing past her like I'd normally do.

She glanced worriedly backwards, 4 times, and clutched her purse tighter than normal.

How has society degenerated this much, what a woman cannot feel secure in a circumstance like that? Shame on guys who took advantage of women in those situations. You give us, BAD names.

People like you, forced me to rob her against my own will. Because of you, for however brief it was, I robbed her of her comfort. I robbed her of her security. And I robbed her of her purse. *que turntable screw up effect*

Okay well I'm kidding about the last one. But you get my point.

I mean, what could I have done? Be my usual upfront self and blurt out "Don't worry I'm not gonna rob you or anything"? Gosh she'd prolly be even more freaked out if I did that.

And what the hell has happened to gentlemanisme?

/end rant

Hell Yea

2009-02-05T06:33:00.000+08:00

~by Joshua Hoffine~

Don't Ask

2009-01-31T00:14:00.020+08:00

And so things spiral downwards once more, as I'm trapped between what I wish to say, and what I cant say.

It is NOT fair to pin someone in a position where he has to either give a definitive yes or no, or reveal that he is not at the liberty to disclose something. Because the latter is as revealing as any other answer, shedding so much more light than anyone on the wrong side of the query would wish; the equivalent of an awkward silence ensuing an inapt question.

I'm not insulted that you asked a sensitive question, because it wasn't. I'm simply pissed because you asked a potentially volatile question and that you were willing to put me in that kind of situation. And though I wasn't on the wrong side of the question, I very well could have been. And if you were willing to place me there once, you'd be more than willing to place me there again. Next time I may not be so fortunate.

So next time, think before you ask a question. Consider the consequences of the answer you'll get, or the position you'll put the person in if he can't answer. Because the moment that you do ask, you may either doom yourself to the fate of finding out something you do not want to know, or you'll be forcing me to lie through my teeth.

Or rather, don't ask...

1.27.1991

2009-01-28T02:41:00.005+08:00

So at long last, I'm 18. Supposedly a milestone. Yet another reminder that I'm growing closer to the age of people that I feel comfortable around. (with a couple of exceptions)

For once, I had no plans whatsoever for my birthday. I ended up eating with my extended family, and had an impromptu meet with Sean (an awesome friend) and Lewis (a terrible friend). Guess which one of them forgot my birthday. Haha. Well I wont condemn him. I forget people's birthdays too. *grins sheepishly*

And so I'm finally at the age where I'll actually be considered as the person who I've been for some time. Someone slightly more grown up than a teenager, and perhaps my views will start being valued as that of one too.

No, I don't have any new plans or resolutions or principals to set for myself. Those were set some time ago. There's no point procrastinating them in order to form them on a milestone.

One decision I've made though.

Regardless of who I am today, I will strive towards the person whom I wish to be in the future. Thus doing so, the person I was, and am, is of little consequence. Only the person I become.

So am I ready for all the responsibilities that come with age? No.

But I'll learn to be.

I'll grow into the person who can be.

Rant

2009-01-24T01:18:00.005+08:00

We have purchased our continued existence with the currency of life. We sacrifice those lives in order that the rest may continue.

Uncountable billions of organisms die by disease so that earth is not over populated with one species, which unbalances our ecosystem. But then humans decided to get smart and invented medicine, our most effective way of combating death.

Our world's population's growth:

Year	Population
1	200 million
1000	275 million
1500	450 million
1650	500 million
1750	700 million
1804	1 billion
1850	1.2 billion
1900	1.6 billion
1927	2 billion
1950	2.55 billion
1955	2.8 billion
1960	3 billion
1965	3.3 billion
1970	3.7 billion
1975	4 billion
1980	4.5 billion
1985	4.85 billion
1990	5.3 billion
1995	5.7 billion
1999	6 billion
2006	6.5 billion

In the past century (about as long as we've had conventional medicine), our population has doubled every 50 years, something considered (in comparison to our past) exponentially ridiculous.

And now we've grown into a more advanced race. We've advanced to the point where we no longer need to pay with our lives in order for our continued existence. (Instead, we pay with the lives of everything else around us)

We've advanced to the point where if we dedicate the effort, we don't need to needlessly waste lives, and we can live in harmony with the world. If we choose.

We've advanced to the point where we, as a race, no longer need wars to progress.

Competition has always been a crutch for progression. But now that we can walk without it, we stupidly choose to stick with old habits.

We dedicate an unproportionate amount of money into war efforts, while in comparison next to none towards research on clean energy.

We don't need war over petty issues. We need to *insert expletive*-ing save our planet so we don't get wiped out. So that our kids have a habitable planet to live on.

Here's something interesting. Some scientists figured out that if all the insects died all at once, within some years, all life on Earth would end. If all humans were wiped out, *big surprise here* all life would flourish.

Screw the world, and screw humanity.

Maybe we deserve to be wiped out.

Silence

2009-01-21T03:09:00.003+08:00

Encapsulated by your silence is nothing,
And within that nothing is everything.

It is what you do not say.
And it is everything you do not say.

It is all you wish to say but do not.
And it is all you do not wish to say.

But I've grown close to you,
And this silence is a comfortable one.

So I'll stay silent and encapsulated by my silence,
Will be everything that I wish I could tell you.

Say what?

2009-01-16T09:54:00.006+08:00

For more on this subject, please refer to.... Link

To the Pack

2009-01-16T01:17:00.003+08:00

~Dedicated to the original group of us, now all over the world. And as we used to say, skin...

It somewhat interests me to see,
How different we've all turned to be.
From times where difference counted scant,
To times where people change for want.

It once was just the bunch of us,
With our own ways and our own turf.
But now we've altered one by one,
Revised by acts and things we've done.

Now the most of us have gone,
Spread between these places torn.
For one wish or just one chance,
I'd have us all, as we were once.

We are diverse yet unified,
For therein lies our will to fight.
Run we will and run we must,
But always keep in mind our past.

Know that though our likeness wanes,
Our bonds will always stay the same.
Stay the same or change and strive,
I'll treasure all of you for life.

To the man in the dirt green plaid shirt and black shorts,

2009-01-13T23:47:00.003+08:00

You fail.

You failed the moment you decided to stick your hand in my pocket while I was being jostled into the train the other day. You are so lucky there wasn't enough space for you in the train or I'd have dragged you in and knocked you senseless.

First of all, I was wearing fitting jeans. Which basically means that I can feel when someone's heading for the cellphone in my left pocket.

Secondly, you should have gone for my iPod, which I had clearly used and returned to my right pocket. You should have noticed that my phone was somewhat outdated in comparison and even if you weren't sure which pocket the iPod was in, you could always have followed the trail of my headphones.

Thirdly, while I was sitting on the bench waiting for the train to come, you should have noticed that I wasn't slouching, nor were my eyes idling away. I wasn't being inattentive.

Failing the above three, you should at least have noticed the metal clip sticking out of my back pocket along with the top of my switchblade, before deciding to pick pocket me. You had a full 23 minutes to realize that.

If it hadn't been for my being pushed into the train by the crowd, I would have drawn it just to scare you.

Okay. Wait.

I'm sorry.

I couldn't possibly expect you to have noticed the knife.

But at least you could have taken a hint from my hairdo?

And while I was entering the train, you could have tried to yank your hand away before I fully tightened my grip on your wrist.

I am sincerely sorry for whatever damage my left thumb digging into your wrist might have caused.

Maybe you just started your new hobby.

Maybe you'll get better.

Or maybe you'll meet another sharp witted guy in less fortunate circumstances and be beaten to a pulp.

Either ways, as a pick pocket, you fail.

You epic fail.

Trust

2009-01-06T00:40:00.004+08:00

I wonder if my trust has been misplaced,
A mistake made in the flurry of haste.

Has a need to turn these wrongs to right,
Made me into someone, even I don't like?

Have I let myself down, all over again,
Traversed the same old trodden lane.

To blunder and fall in my quest to do good,
And made things much worse, than it should.

I trusted myself to turn out alright,
But perhaps I picked wrong, due to lack of foresight.

Maybe I'm not the one to bring change,
And I find that rather odd and strange.

Cause I've always seen myself as the kind,
To influence those whom which influence can find.

So tonight I'll think and ponder a lot,
As to what my good intentions begot.

To meddle, change, and alter I might,
But from now on, my trust, will be based on hindsight.

Fear

2009-01-05T23:38:00.004+08:00

I really like this article.

As in really.

Moving Through Fear - By Dan Edwardes

2009

2009-01-02T00:24:00.003+08:00

And so comes another year,
Bringing with it what it will.
Here comes another chance,
To turn my dreams to something real.

Come...

I'm waiting...

Change and Choice

2008-12-31T04:44:00.001+08:00

You can deliberately change to better yourself as a person, or you can change to merely appear better. Encapsuled by those words however, will lay the difference between an actual change for the better, and a facade. And that makes all the difference in the world.

We aren't always acting.

Project Code Named: Erasing Jamie

2008-12-26T07:54:00.005+08:00

It began as a way to pass time while Jamie went out for basketball. Then I decided to take it to the next level of photo manipulation. Look carefully. Waaaaay more than Jamie was erased. All editing is done in picture, no outside material introduced.

Click respective pictures for high res.

Midnight Ramblings

2008-12-24T05:40:00.003+08:00

What you don't have or can't do, doesn't make you any less of a person than you are right now. You can only ever become more than you are.

If you're not satisfied without something, chances are that you wont be satisfied when you do have it. There's always something more.

All you have to do is find satisfaction and contentment in who you are.

All you have to do is find security.

Three Homeless Kittens

2008-12-24T01:03:00.001+08:00

There are three homeless kittens (I always had a talent for stating the obvious), which are in need of a home. Cause they're homeless... (There I go again)

If anyone wants one, please do let me know!

Parkour Poetry

2008-12-22T01:57:00.001+08:00

Parkour and poetry, both of which I love; now combined into a work of art.

Beautiful. Need I say more?

Dear Sarah,

2008-12-17T20:17:00.002+08:00

I had a dream about you last night.
I was crouched near the edge of a bluff.
There were waves crashing up against the edge.
There was a crimson sunset in the horizon.

You came up from behind and sat beside me.
With a solemn look in your eyes,
You took my hand.
You laced your voice with emotion.

You withheld none, breaking the words to me.
The brutal harshness then began to sink in,
As the numbness receded from my mind,
Allowing me to comprehend what you said.

In that cold hard tone,
That cruel taunting,
That horrifying knowledge
That I could truly do nothing,

You said....

Salted vegetables.

With your exams round the corner, I hope this cheers up your day... =D

It's Alright Honey...

2008-12-15T04:42:00.002+08:00

Everything will be fine.

It's okay.

I forgive you.

Those were the words I overheard a mother speak to her son while I was strolling in a mall. The boy was crying, obviously upset because he'd done something wrong. Well, not because he'd done something wrong but more so because his mother had scolded him. But now that his tears were freely flowing she could not stay resolute and she caved in and comforted him. I silently wondered what she had been teaching him all his life. Perhaps she should have said something somewhat different.

That things may or may not turn out fine.

That when you do something wrong, it's not alright.

That it's not okay.

That it's not okay but... I still forgive you.

Oh the sweet grace we take for granted.

Teenstreet....

2008-12-13T16:36:00.009+08:00

Was interesting. I've never been on the other side of a camp where you're involved in some form of preparation, or get to see anything going on in the background. Not often have I had people know me not as a person, but as a figure who did something and was somewhere... Not on this scale anyway.

It was just like back in my six months of high school where people would know me because of who I knew, who my best friend was, and because somewhere along the line someone decided to announce that I was popular. One of the reasons for my leaving government school was because it just got so sickening. Yet there I was, on the stage, singing my guts out, drowning in the beautiful voices of hundreds of teens, mine joining theirs as a back up vocal singer. There I was, somewhat dishearteningly, with people looking up to me not because they knew me, but because I was on stage every night. They knew it wasn't a performance and we certainly weren't performing either, but they still idolized and made us up to be something greater than we were.

This year during Throne Room (the worship sessions), I wanted to be just another teenager singing and worshiping the Lord, albeit having to be up on the stage. I wanted to be seen as just another person offering up his life, and doing the best he could with all his heart.

But for all my want, being up on stage changed their perceptions.

For all my want, being up on stage somehow made me something bigger in their eyes.

For all my want, though I was just like any other one of them, they seem didn't think so.

The greatest thing is to see an everyday, normal, down to earth guy do great things and be a great influence on people. It's such a great ministry to be able to lead people yet be on the same level as everyone else. But somehow I don't think I succeeded in doing that.

But my personal struggles shall be my personal struggles, shared with few, understood by less.

The majority of my time was spent practicing for Throne Room, Throne Room itself, the sessions, catching up with my sleep in between (desperately trying not to fall severely sick), and hanging out with my friends; old and new. I particularly liked the all guys sesh where they talked about the struggles we may go through that would prevent us from completely surrendering ourselves to God. One of them was about trying to be perfect/appear perfect, as if we have to live up to some undefined expectation. Another was living our lives off the approval of others, seeking it out no matter what the cost. And the last was feeling as if you weren't good enough to do something, was too lousy, or just not capable. The traps showed that no matter what race you were, we all go through the same things, or have gone through them. I think it really ministered to some of the younger teens, and by all means the older ones too.

Though every teen walked away from the camp with a different message, I think the one central thing they took away with them was the desire to influence the people around them for the better. The theme was InGear, and was about engaging the community around us. Everything else revolved around it.

What I left with was a desire to better equip myself with every single weapon I could muster, so that I will be able to be a great influence on others. You know that verse about being the salt and light to the world? Well heh, you wanna be salt? First you gotta be salty.

Overall Teenstreet was a great experience. I had lots of fun, met loads of people, scared some with voodoo.... *ahem*... I meant magic.

If things permit, I'd like to go again next year.

I definately would.

Other posts....

Julia

Eugene

You and I, Aren't so Different Afterall

2008-12-04T00:01:00.002+08:00

Every man is different,
Every man is the same.

We are all that kid in the corner,
That bloke on the street.

We all seek deeper meaning,
Be part of something bigger than ourselves.

We all trod our own journeys,
Choose difficult paths in our lives.

We all want to gain acceptance,
To love, and be loved.

We all want to find friendship,
Be able to trust others.

We all want something to believe in,
Hope and wish and pray.

We all have to sacrifice things,
Pay the price for what seems right.

We all hurt and cry,
Wishing that life was simpler.

We all make and break promises,
Face disappointment when it comes knocking.

We are all that kid in the corner,
That bloke on the street.

For every man is different,
And every man is the same.

Temper...

2008-12-03T18:16:00.001+08:00

Temper my friend,
Will get you nowhere in life,
But down all the roads,
That you do not wish to traverse.

Bullet Points

2008-12-02T18:04:00.003+08:00

This week has been:

A new huge project
Hesitantly turning down invitations to the movies
New belt
New boxers
Keyboard breaking down at the worst possible moment
Boxers 2 inches bigger than stated on the box
Exchanging the boxers
A new keyboard 100 bucks more expensive than expected
A new cap
A new cut
A thinner wallet

This week will be:

The rest of a huge project
Turning down more invitations to the movies
Not enough sleep
Loneliness

I Wear a Nylon Shirt... We All Do

2008-11-29T22:52:00.000+08:00

Nylon strings,
Hard to break,
Nearly invisible,
And easy to acquire.

Like trouble,
Sins, and secrets,
Wrapped tightly
Around my neck.

But unlike hurts,
Wrongs, and scars;
By means of scissors,
Nylon can be cut.

In Loving Memory Of

2008-11-29T00:39:00.002+08:00

Everything happened over your 17 years.

In a moment, everything was gone.

And now I'm left here sitting,

In the high pitched whine of pure silence

And encapsulated by it,

Everything.

And nothing.

Both are the same.

Or rather, within nothingness,

Is the potential for everything.

Or perhaps,

Just a memory of it.

A Deserter

2008-11-25T15:41:00.003+08:00

A deserter I am,
For when she needed me I ran.
I drowned myself with empty bliss,
While at home she lacked a loving kiss.

I wanted just to give them strength,
Hold them up, through the depths.
But all I caused was scarring pain,
While another walked away righteously vain.

So the guilt befalls my mind,
Dreams of wisdom, left behind.
I wonder if I should continue to run,
Or meddle more; undo what I’ve done.

But through her weakness shines a light,
A brilliance wrought of uncommon might.
Matured knowing of what to do,
To die inside for the sake of you.

So run away, run with me,
Away from reason, to the free.
But though we run, fast and true,
Our paths will differ, mine from you.

We flee with different thoughts in mind,
I hope and wish that both are kind.
I know we live just day by day,
But I still regret I ran away.

Walk your paths,
But just remember,
To never lose sight,
Of what you hold most dear.

Take heart,
And take strength,
In knowing,
That I love both of you.

I Must

2008-11-24T22:42:00.006+08:00

Though I tire, I must be strong,
Because I am in a position to be strong.

Though I tire, I must listen,
Because I am in a position to listen.

Though I tire, I must give counsel,
Because I am in a position to give counsel.

Though I tire, I must mediate,
For I am the only one who can.

So I sacrifice parts of myself,
In order that those around me,
Can have that part,
Hold on to it, and take strength.

I push others out of the quicksand,
Even though the consequence of doing so;
Sinking further,
Weighs upon me.

So I give strength.
I listen.

I give counsel,
I mediate.

I sacrifice myself,
I tire and fall.

I do all of the above,
Because no one else is around who can.

I do it because I can.

And because I can,

Though I tire,

I must.

A Deserter I'm Not

2008-11-23T15:27:00.004+08:00

I took one for the team,
So please, lay off.
Don't accuse me of slacking,
Or not being there when needed.

You guys made a big mess of things,
And left me behind to clean up.
So I did, even though it had personal consequences,
And took much longer than I could afford.

But when I finally caught up,
All ya'll held were presumptions as to my absence.
So the next time you make a mess of things, Ty,
Man up and clean it yourself.

Never, ever abuse the respect people have for you,
And never, ever abuse the respect I have for you.
I took one for the team,
So please, lay off.

Tit for Tat

2008-11-18T00:28:00.003+08:00

Every species which is still around to tell the tale, somehow contributes to the environment around it. On top of simply surviving, it somehow finds a way to make the habitat around it better, so that its future generations may too prosper. Every species which only took for itself and did not give something back for the betterment of its ecosystem, died off.

In the past hundred years, the rate of species going extinct has been raised by a thousandfold.

Because we've killed them off.

And if we don't start giving back,

We'll be next on the list.

Today,

2008-11-13T13:08:00.003+08:00

Paragon Heights had its first black out.

For two hours no light could shine.

And I witnessed the beauty of

Automatic gates,
The lack of electricity,
Cars parked in the driveway,
And people rushing off to work,

All come together.

Ahhh, the beauty of life.

Closing What Should Have

2008-11-13T05:56:00.003+08:00

I finally deleted your number from my phone today

It felt damned weird

But you'll live on in our memories mate

You always will

A-Z

2008-11-11T18:04:00.012+08:00

A. Attached or Single?
Attached but single

B. Best Friends?
Ty and the gang, Erica, Jamie, Danny, Lewis... *the list goes on*

C. Cake or pie?
Can I have both?

D. Day of choice?
Good days

E. Essential item?
My identity

F. Favorite colour?
Black & white, dirt colors

G. Gummy bears or worms?
Jelly beans are jelly beans

H. Hometown ?
Earth

I. Favorite indulgence?
Chocolate cream cake

J. January or July?
January *Ma birthday!*

K. Kids?
Only have 1... OH... I meant... uh... yea... I love em...

L. Life isn’t complete without?
Life's never complete. We just make do

M. Marriage date?
During an eclipse =D

N. Number of brothers and sisters?
1 sister, couple of blood brothers

O. Oranges or Apples?
Apples

P. Phobias?
Haven't found them out

Q. Quotes?
"Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur" -Petronius-

R. Reasons to smile?
Life, love, happiness

S. Season of choice?
Fall

T. Tag 5 people
Eugene
Huey Sing
Leanne
Jon
Sarah?

U. Unknown fact about me?
I like to keep track of which way is North

V. Vegetable?
Spinach. Only at one particular shop

W. Worst habit?
I think too much

X. X-ray or Ultrasound?
As in either break another bone or get pregnant? Hmmm... Tough choice there...

Y. Your favorite type of food?
Western

Z. Zodiac sign?
Aquarius; fixed, air, and positive sign, coincides with the destroying month, ruled by Uranus

Are we scared yet?

Butterfly Award

2008-11-11T12:34:00.003+08:00

Nominated by: Huey Sing

To the nominees :
1. Put the logo in your blog.
2. Add a link to the person who awarded you.
3. Nominate 10 other blogs.
4. Add links to those blogs on yours.
5. Leave a message for your nominees on their blogs.

My 10 nominees:

1-10. Everyone lah... =D

*Yes, I'm feeling lazy*

Fugitive from Reason

2008-11-10T14:26:00.004+08:00

Well Sarah, it was a deal so here's my fugitive poem. It's not as witty or about love, and uh... not exactly cheesy either. I've forgotten that quote you gave me but it went along the lines of poetry being an emotional height looked back in calm retrospect.

Well this is more of a personal thing for me.

It's about death and birth.

Or rather that a death spawns the birth of escape.

And the birth of denial.

Fugitive from Reason

Run.
I dare you.

For one fleeting moment,
Pretend that you can escape.

Pretend long enough,
And you might even believe it.

But what if that which was improbable,
Actually happened?

You will then have run for nothing;
Wasted your breath,
While the cold hard floor for you to sink upon
Will still remain.

Time does not mend everything,
Time does not heal all wounds.
Time simply gives us a chance
To get used to the fact that we have those wounds.

But regardless which,
We somehow still manage to delude ourselves.
We delude ourselves into thinking
That we can flee far enough.

And that the floor will stop waiting,
But no.

A floor is made of stone
Cast along with the patience of one.

And no matter what we do,
We will eventually have to face reason.

So don't.
Don't run.

I dare you.

I Got Conned

2008-10-29T08:11:00.001+08:00

I recently bought a small tube of super glue.

With a Super Strength, Fast Drying formula, in a Clog-Free easy grip applicator, I was anxious to be finally able to glue that stubborn rubber piece that kept falling off my graphics tablet, back to where it belonged.

And of course with a Clog-Free applicator I was sure to succeed.

Except it was bloody clogged.

The reason?

The whole damned tube had dried up.

Sometimes, half a truth can be even worse than no truth at all.

Hypocrisy

2008-10-24T00:06:00.003+08:00

You Know You're in Touble

2008-10-23T17:20:00.002+08:00

When fifth grade was the best six years of your life

Ingrained Politeness

2008-10-22T01:15:00.002+08:00

"Thanks" he said.

"Sure thing" I replied.

Then I started to wonder why he had thanked me for something so trivial.

He looked at me.

We knew we were thinking the same thing.

We laughed.

I enjoyed the much needed laugh.

And thanked him for it.

Leach Slayer

2008-10-21T01:39:00.012+08:00

So I'm back from Tapah, with pretty much the same amount of bed bug bites as last time. And as last time, I'm the only one amongst us who got bitten at all. I swear there's a conspiracy here. I've come to believe that they bite the person with the most amount of luggage, as if to say that they'll cause discomfort to whoever goes through lengths to have comfort. This is under the assumption that more luggage is equivalent to more comfort.

I had seven pieces.

Well one was my cloths bag, another my harvest sack, two sleeping bags, a pair of computer speakers with a sub-woofer, 1 bag of junk food, and my pillow. One sleeping bag was for Jamie, the computer speakers for the hall, and my pillow? Well lets just say I'd rather not sleep on the drool of a thousand past inhabitants.

Though we were only there for two days, I had a great time and got to know some of the band members better. It was great fun.

The first afternoon we were there, I ended up playing monopoly with Jamie, Andy and Eugene on a laptop. Soon enough, someone began to, for lack of a better word, monopolize. Oh wait. There a better word. It's called ownage. =D

After I got owned, we went stream trotting. Since I only had one pair of shoes with me, I went with my customary bare foot style. About a kilometer down the road, I realized that it wasn't such a good idea after all. Now get this; I love walking barefoot. I've walked about 15km barefoot before. I love to run barefoot. I love to wallrun barefoot. I love the sensitivity of flesh, and being able to feel what I tread on. But what I don't love, is having to walk about 150m on gravel.

Yes, gravel; being stones anywhere between 5mm and 10cm, some sharp, some round.

Well gravel path aside, the stream trotting was awesome. We spent more than half an hour wading up a stream, making our way to a waterfall. When we got there, we decided to take pictures of us, what else, but sitting in the flow of the water. I'm sure it made a great picture, at the expense of out butts though. The water was freezing.

So we sat down, laid down, and had a water fight even. Then it started raining. We promptly left, lest we be swept away by a sudden gush of water. Instead of taking the river path down, we took a gravel road. *Yippee. More gravel* Though had taken us the better part of an hour to get there by the stream, the road took us back to the start within 5 minutes of us setting out. That means that we could have technically avoided the whole mumbo jumbo and walked straight to the waterfall.

But there's a lesson here. By taking the longer, harder road, reaching our destination was made that much more fulfilling. It's not just achieving something. The journey on the way is important too.

When we got back, we washed up then had BBQ for dinner. After that, we headed to the hall for our session. It was about what winning means. We all pretty much had a unanimous view on it; giving your absolute best, no holds barred, regardless of the outcome. If you're unsatisfied because of what you don't have, chances are that you wont be satisfied when you do. Again, the journey counts.

We went for a night hike after that. I had brought 4 torches to lend out, and luck of all lucks, Jamie's had run out of battery. I sacrificed Shirley (my Surefire) to him and instead navigated by light of two glow sticks. Surprisingly, I didn't get any leaches. Phylli however, collected the average of 1 leach per 4 minutes spent in jungle.

Though we were beat when we got back, we still ended up watching a late night movie called Never Back Down. (Props to Jon for telling me bout it. =D) The main character starts of as an angry young man who cant hold back his anger, and had a tendency to release it in violent manners. He's portrayed as someone who always wants to come out on top, and never lose. Throughout the movie, events slowly craft him into something quite different, and he instead becomes someone who fights for the sake of those around him. A nice element they added was a line about the Shield of Achilles, and how he ended up fighting not because he wanted to, but because he had to. He was fought so that he didn't have to fight again, and even though a chance presented itself, he abandoned the glory of winning simply because it wasn't one of his ideals anymore; because winning no longer involved his actual dispute.

Anyways needless to say, we slept after that. Like rocks, we slept.

I honestly don't remember much of Sunday morning, me being in a half catatonic state. But we did have another session and I do remember that.

One of the things I took away from it was derived from an age old Christian cliche. We are often told to be the salt and light to the world. But I realized that in order to be salt to the world, we must first make ourselves salty. We must learn before we can teach, or learn while we teach. Nevertheless, we still must learn.

Being a creative and wacky bunch, we of course came up with a different definition for the salt and light line.

Being salt, was to vanquish leaches. Light's only raison d'etre was to illuminate the area so the salt can find leaches to vanquish. We had a good laugh about that. Then someone said that "leaches", could be figurative. Our joke had thus become something deep.

We still laughed.

On the way back to KL, we stopped at this duck noodle shop for lunch. The noodles were great. But not as great as the car conversation. While Jamie snoozed, I learnt how to make vanilla ice-cream, and how nun chucks came about. We concluded that all invented food was either the result of an accident, or was Chinese. We talked about all forms of random stuff. At last I've found someone who shares the same appreciation I do for random knowledge, was home schooled, and is interested in psychology. Adam, I swear you must be my long lost twin brother or something.

We arrived at KL and went to Yong Yi's house. We waited inside and had a quick chat while we waited for the afternoon rain to abate. After that we parted ways, and YY sent me home. Waiting for me at home was my dad who had prior to that day itself, been away on a 6 week seminar in New Jersey. His total time away was bout 7 weeks because he took a holiday in Boston with my sister before that. It goes without saying that I was elated to have him back.

He had stayed in an apartment in Hoboken, and it so happened to have a gym. My dad decided to use it at a frequency of what I'm guessing to be every other day. To my utter most surprise when he shed his shirt, his belly was gone! Well, that's not the most shocking change really. Lets start with his biceps. Or rather the biceps a size worthy of a body builder. They're huge. Then of course there's his 6 pack in which with a little more effort, I'm positive he can turn into an 8. And I could go on, but words wouldn't do his transformation justice. I guess you'll just have to wait for the next church camp and hope that tradition persists. *Grins widely*

Well that wasn't the only surprise I received. While in New York, my dad visited David Blaine during his most recent stunt entitled Dive of Death. He bought a deck that David designed for his own use (split spades), and it so happened to be the black one! I can now add it to the red one my sister bought for me. And the deck wasn't all he obtained. My dad joined a long que and got David's signature for me. =D

I was just thinking how funny it is that amongst the many people I admire, three which are near the top (David Belle, David Blaine, and Derren Brown), all bear DB as their initials. =D

And no folks, that's not all. Along with the aforementioned surprises, my dad had brought me something else. 2 days before it's official release in Malaysia, I received my 2nd generation iPod Touch! I'm still in the process of loading my songs and videos into it, along with some applications I took a liking to. But I'm already in love with it. Smitten really. And grinning widely. Definitely grinning widely.

Pleasant surprises aside, it's great to finally have you home dad.

And a word of advice that goes out to all.

Never let someone else kiss your lucky egg.

Sufes

2008-10-18T07:49:00.002+08:00

I'm off to Tapah again, albeit no crazy insane brain damaging treasure hunt this time.

=D

I spent the whole of last night sewing artificial leather, and as every unseasoned person who sews, my fingers are riddled with pin pricks.

My fingers, have HOLES.

But it's all worth it.

I finally have my ankle sheath for my skeleton knife.

*grins widely*

Breaking Boxes

2008-10-15T17:40:00.015+08:00

A boy can fall flat on his face with a bloody nose,
And he'll get up and run,
And run, and run, and run he will,
All the way home only so that he can cry.

A girl will simply stand up,
And cry.

What is it about males which requires us to be egoistic?

I wish that men could just set aside differences, and cast away preconceptions.

I wish that men could rejoice in another's victory, even when it is at their own expense.

I wish that men could praise those better than themselves.

I wish that men could learn to drop their facade of strength.

Facade is the key word here. We have become so engrossed and enticed by the appearance of strength, that we have neglected to actually develop any true strength at all. We've fallen so in love with the idea of strength, but only the idea. None of the ideals. We have taught and bred ourselves to sacrifice security for the mere appearance of it.

So being afraid of showing our true selves, we seek to gain a shallow security wrought from whatever acceptance we can get. And that we do by putting on our stupid acts of machismo.

Maybe we should realize that allowing ourselves to show weakness can be a display of true strength, one that stems from a confidence in one's self. But if it is only a display and nothing more, then the true purpose of allowing weakness it lost too. That is why only the truly strong allow themselves to appear weak and emotionally vulnerable; because they are very frankly, not bothered by it.

Society has spent too long inventing boxes to fit people into. We were fine before the boxes came along.

We'll be fine without them.

So be weak *flashes pinky*

And be real *TeenStreet guys, you know*

=D

2008-10-12T17:31:00.002+08:00

Flying is simply throwing yourself at the ground,

And missing.

Erica

2008-10-10T04:40:00.004+08:00

The smell of fresh roses,
Accompanied her footsteps,
Wafting up from below,
Connected by a wooden strung ladder.

There was a flash of her elegant blue dress,
Illuminated part by the moon,
And part from the radiance cast by her hair;
A scintillating beautiful blond.

Her features were accented by the night,
Skin as smooth as the silk of her scarf,
Eyes a sparkling blue like her sapphire necklace,
Her beauty casting a shadow on the gem itself.

I tried to call out to her,
To tell her what she still meant to me,
But try as I might with all my will,
I could not for I was only ethereal.

And so she sauntered past out my sight,
The radiance of her glow slowly dimming,
Leaving me to wake up with nothing,
But the fading smell of fresh roses.

FM Static - Tonight

2008-10-09T00:47:00.004+08:00

Thanks for sending me this song Jamie. It may have been purely coincidence but you have no idea what it means to me right now.

I looked up the lyrics and discovered just how much it applies.

I cried.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbFlHd1GP1w

I remember the times we spent together
All those drives, we had a million questions
All about our lives
And when we got to New York everything felt right
I wish you were here with me,
Tonight

I remember the days we spent together,
were not enough, it used to feel like dreaming
Except we always woke up,
Never thought not having you here now
Would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

I remember the time you told me
About when you were eight
And all those things you said that night
That just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
And the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
And stayed out way too late

I remember the time you sat and told me
About your Jesus, and how not to look back
Even if no one believes us
When it hurts so bad, sometimes
Not having you here

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

I say
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
And know the stars are
Holding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight

The song is about the artist's brother passing away when they were children, and about him asking God for closure.

It serves as a timely and welcomed reminder to me that God cares.

But closure?

I don't think I'm ready for that yet.

Give me some time.

There is no haste in grief.

Fabric

2008-10-08T02:44:00.004+08:00

So many strings of memories we had,
So many strings we wove to make something beautiful.
But in the end the object of beauty,
Became an incomplete solace.

Photoshop

2008-10-07T10:39:00.007+08:00

I've been doing some photoshopping lately to take my mind off things.

As some of you know, I enjoy either coming up with my own graphics from scratch, or taking photo manipulation to the extreme. You can click on the pictures for the high resolutions.

Scanline text

I don't think people can truly appreciate photo manipulation without having seen the base picture.

Base

Manipulation

Special thanks to Jamie for letting me use your picture.

Girls, don't faint.

Teardrops from Heaven

2008-10-07T04:25:00.000+08:00

Not a single day has passed without my thoughts lingering upon the times we had together.

Not a single day can pass without me pondering upon this final outcome.

I've oftentimes wondered if things would be different if I had invited you to stay over.

I've often wondered if you'd still be here had I called and asked you to hang out.

Too often I've wondered why God saw fit to stir up a whirlwind in the midst of a summer day.

I thought that out of all the things that would prevail while everything else turned to dust,

Our friendship would last the longest amongst them all.

But then without a reason, everything changed.

Without a reason, a summer day turned to a stormy brood,

And a mix of metal and glass flew around a corner faster than the eye could see.

But in that instant was all that you were, are, could be... Was.

And then the rain fell down only to glance off your gravestone.

You'll always be remembered for the summer times.

I guess I'll see you in heaven.

So rest in peace, Kyle.

I love you buddy.

Script

2008-10-06T07:47:00.002+08:00

I've been lying.

I've had emotions pent up inside of me which I haven't shown.

I've been hurting and I haven't been able to come to terms with it yet.

So I've put on a happy facade to fool the world.

Pretend, and soon enough the world will pretend along with you.

Continue to pretend, and the world will forget that they are pretending.

But though you can pretend all you want,

You can never truly forget the fact that it's only an act.

I have to find a way to deal with this.

I must.

Mt. Tapor

2008-10-03T19:12:00.002+08:00

We climbed Mt. Tapor again, Yong Yi, Daniel, Caleb and I.

I dearly hope that my sunburn wont be as bad as last time's.

A view of the lake

My doggy pal whom we met near the top, and whom outpaced us on the way down.

Anyways it was a pretty fun day, and both breakfast and lunch were fast food. So much for my resolve to eat healthily.

Of Technology and Architecture

2008-10-02T19:34:00.005+08:00

I managed to catch but the meekest of winks in regard to my sleep last night.

And tomorrow morning, I'm going hiking.

My excuse?

I was just too engrossed in the architectural possibilities presented by a combination of translucent concrete blocks, electrochromic glass displays, and color changing concrete.

Imagine separating the hall and the dining room with translucent concrete, seeing every shadow cast upon the other side of the wall.

Imagine the current time displayed IN your bare unpainted wall.

Imagine a skylight that changes opacity at your very whim.

Yes, I'm planning my dream home for the eventuality that I become a billionaire.

And then there were my wild imaginings and hopes for the development of a transparent color LCD screen. Imagine the following:

*technical knowledge required*

>Unobstructed view of garden
>Suspended particle device turns near black
>Polymer dispersed liquid crystal device turns hazy white in front of SPD screen
>PDLC is lit from the sides to provide backlight
>Color LCD screen turns on

end *technical knowledge required*

Stringed together in other words?

An apparently clear window, at the flick of a button, turns opaque, then lights up to be a giant embedded computer/television screen. Or if you wanted, by an utterance from your mouth you could change the view of your boring garden into a magnificent lakeside landscape. Combined with the proper air freshener I'm sure you'll be fooled in no time. How awesome would that be?!

I'm not pulling your leg. This isn't science fiction, though there is one missing puzzle piece which is the see through color LCD display.

The rest is already reality. (For a certain price of course)

I really hope that in the years to come they'll develop technology like this, or anything similar in fashion, rather than have them stay in my intangible day dreams.

Dear God,

2008-09-30T23:35:00.003+08:00

What if it's true and all the roads of my life really do lead back to You?

What if You're at the end of every rock strewn path?

Well if I'm to be led to You, then let me also be led by You.

So I'll follow You to the ends of the Earth.

Just give the word.

Love,

Sam

Memory, like sand, can slip through our fingers, but will never cease to exist.

2008-09-29T01:10:00.002+08:00

Hurts, like scars, can be forgotten, but not erased.
Reputation, like feelings, can be destroyed, but not unmade.
Life, like time, can be taken, but not repaid.
Intentions, like existence, can be ignored, but not defaced.

To hurt, to feel, to forget,
Just maybe, just perhaps...

Remember.

Wedding Bells

2008-09-27T22:04:00.002+08:00

Two lives were joined today.

And two lives were just made that much more meaningful.

Congratulations Jason and Christina!

Rosebush

2008-09-25T16:08:00.004+08:00

I was sifting through my computer looking at all my old writings, when I stumbled across this old poem. Sure it's something begot of an angst ridden teenager, but I just couldn't help myself and laughed at the wit.

Anger seething; perhaps I loath the thought,

That you do not know the intention behind the act.

Words of judgment spilled out; too fast,

But you do not regret them.

They just lie there, hands stretched out; beckoning,

But I just stare; lost to irrationalism.

Brushing them aside, I let lose the suppressed emotion,

And for that, I am punished.

But I, am not the only one lost on the island of irrationality;

You too, express anger; for a cause unknown.

You look at a rosebush,

But all you see are thorns;

You fail to see the intricate patterns, on the beautiful smooth petals of a lone flower.

Likewise, you see the action,

But fail to see the cause, nor the intent. [no, you do not know. Nor do you care]

In doing so, you shred the piece of red velvet against the thorns.

Now, you are left with nothing more than a thornbrush;

Well done, you.

Chocolate Hearts

2008-09-24T00:11:00.009+08:00

A heart made of chocolate
Is sweet and tempting;
Very much part of why it attracts.
But a heart like that is easy to consume
And also too easy to be consumed by.

A nibble here,
A nibble there,
And then a slightly bigger bite
Till all that's left is an empty shell,
And a person walking without a heart.

Soon the chocolate will dissolve,
Fusing with blood and an unsated aftertaste.
And with that, a brown liquid will pump
Through and about your veins,
Slowly eating at the walls of your own heart.

After the shadows lick the moon a dozen,
All that's left of your heart will be gone,
And you'll be left with none but a heart of chocolate,
Sweet and tempting,
Waiting to be consumed.