Torn Up

I haven't updated in ages.

I know.

It was a busy December but I came out of it with nothing much to say. At least, nothing that's not already been said, out loud, a million times. If the words didn't make it online some other way then I'm sorry but you'll have to wait till I'm in the mood. Meanwhile I'll sit here enjoying the power I have over the possible non-dissemination of my December holidays.

I know.

What the heck right?

Well January went by in a blur too and my birthday? It was, hehehhh, well, if you weren't there then you weren't there.

So sue me for being in a bad mood. I’m a sucker for brooding.

But at the same time I’m a sucker for indecision, always trapped between two choices; or very well maybe eleven. Squeeze the pressure and I’ll most often choose the right one, provided “right” doesn’t become too subjective, but if you let me sit down and not choose, if it suits me I certainly will.

But why does “right” sometimes have to be so darn hard?

My aforementioned bad mood would be because of two people very dear to me that have left to go back to the states. One of them I am still getting used to not having around (Yes I still miss Sarah), and the other; hurts. Pressure and rationality causes us to make choices that we know we must make, no matter how painful it is, or how much you sacrifice in the process.

That’s what I have to keep reminding myself.

How do two people part, knowing that neither wants to, nor ultimately has to? Knowing that following this choice, both will walk away will a special affinity that may fade into either a beautiful friendship, or one which may never fade at all. And that while the years go by, each and either will move on, or linger behind in memories. A hopeful ‘nother cannot compete with a treasured memory. So the one who may linger behind will be trapped not in indecision, but in a cage delicately crafted by devotion.

But what of the alternative; to keep the beautiful treasure alive, even though it would be stretched thin by thousands of miles. The result is the same, but with a more immediate effect and utmost certainty. I cannot bear to bind her in a cage, and it matters not if she wants to be bound, for time will break down that cage and shatter the treasure, casting its shards aside like the dead leaves of a tree in a storm; lost and mostly irrecoverable.

So I choose to leave myself torn in the right decision, as does she, and I can only hope for the strength to pull us both through. I hope it is the right choice, to be trapped in no cage, and to hold onto the slowly fading radiance of what we had as it slips through my fingers.


A world of dew,
and within every dewdrop
a world of struggle

~Issa, 1763-1827~

Stolen

It is much like having a thief chase you down the street, knowing that eventually you'll run out of road and have to face something inevitable. But in the haste of running, we so often overlook the tiny alleys we could have dodged into, thus saving us that fate. We would have noticed them, had we taken little more than 2 seconds worth of time to be logical, rational, unemotional.

But we don't do we?

And so we keep running, down the street, on and on, until he catches up with us. And then he robs us of many things that we hold dear, taking as he will. After all, anger is a relentless pursuer, one that will not give up until he has had his fill; and he is certainly one who knows how to get it.

Hate is a strong word.

I hate fallouts.

Saline Solution

A man's life often starts out with learning. He learns as he grows, about life, and the many things in it, then sets out into the world seeking to learn more, and gain more knowledge. After spending the better half of his early life, he finally gains enough knowledge to realize that he knows nothing.

How ironic.

It's like trying to drain the ocean of its water by drinking it one cup at the time, over and over and over, eventually leading you into salt induced brain damage.

Knowledge is priceless,
Ignorance is bliss.
But ignorance,
Is no excuse.

Share your cup of seawater with someone, today.

;-)

My Little Siege Engine, Breaking Into Your Castle

It is such an amazing feeling when someone stares at you in pure astonishment, followed by shock, then breaks into disbelieving laughter, or screams, or the best: a stunned silence. It's even better because you know that you caused it

For me, that is the highlight of doing magic.

I've been practicing a few of my favorite routines, refining them, and testing them. The sheer impact you cause on people is priceless!

I was walking around the church area the other day, and approached a random group of mingling college students. I introduced myself and did one effect. Just one.

It left them reeling, almost literally.

After all the tension was released, cards tucked safely away in my back pocket, they instantly struck up a conversation. Barriers were down, they were relaxed and at ease.

Barely five minutes before, I had not met them.

Yeah sure, their reactions were priceless, but only after walking away did I realize that the reactions they gave me were only one minor thing. The way they had opened up to me later, was priceless-er! No matter what age, what gender, what race; magic broke down the barriers of prejudice. Barriers which I might not have been able circumvent for anything else in the world.

Never again will I underestimate the power of magic.

Trickery

The world invites deception

Ask And Ye Shall Receive

Thank you Lord,
For this parking lot,
That we have got,
Upon this spot.

Housekeepers and Nails, You are Warned

Have you ever noticed that something interesting happens when you touch something hot, such as a steaming kettle? Other than getting burned of course; there will be a flash of premonitory pain, so brief that it’s hardly a pain at all, more of a warning that a true pain is to come. And then the premonitory pain will subside, and there will be an instant in which there is no sensation at all, and in that instant you’d snatch your hand, away from whatever it was that was too hot. But it would be too late; the true pain was already coming, and there would be nothing you could do about it except ready yourself for its arrival, like a housekeeper forewarned about the imminent arrival of a guest, like the way the tide recedes just before a tsunami strikes. A tsunami of pain.

But this post isn’t about pain.

The above was simply to set up a premise to explain the following;

That it is much like coming to a realization; almost hearing the wheels within your head turning, meshing, and moving along a path which you know can only end in a conclusion. Knowing that some brilliantly stray thought has been snagged in the net your ever active brain has cast, and then, silence. For an instant in time your thoughts are no longer thoughts, but simply knowledge, and things in which you are assured to be true. And then it hits you the same way a hammer falls upon the head of the nail it is hitting. Like an explosion of truth expanding outwards, filling your brain with awareness; realization.

At least that’s how it happens for me, my face temporarily morphing itself into my blur look, followed by an exclamatory oh!

So what’s this all about?

It’s not about pain, and it’s not about how I come to a realization either.

Ultimately, it is about the realization itself.

How very often we have heard someone great say that they were called into the area of their ministry, and how I so envy those with such a clear direction to follow. And so by hearing this, we pray for a direction, by asking something such as; “Where do you want me to go, what do you want me to do?” We ask for specifics, and not to say we never get them, just that we don’t always. We ask the ever so common; “Do you want me to go into the music ministry? Or education? Or even full time ministry? What do you want me to do?!”

I asked for specifics, and not to say I never get them, just that I don’t always. This wasn’t one of those times that I did.

Then after months of prayer and much thought, while outside training my parkour, a memory suddenly pounded on the inside of my brain, stating something so blatantly obvious that I almost decided to find and punch something extremely hot as my punishment. It was a lesson from the Westminster Shorter Catechism that my father had gone through with me; the very first one in fact. It stated that “Mans’ chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him fully.” So eargerly I had set out into fulfilling it, wondering which way He wanted me to do so. I had been acknowledging that my purpose is to glorify God, and typically had been asking Him what He wanted me to do, or where He wanted me to go.

But then, hammer to my head, it hit me; my purpose is to glorify God. No more, no less. Pure beauty in simplicity.

I no longer needed someone to tell me where my field lied, for the choice was my own. All I had to do is keep in mind that I am to glorify God, pick a means in which I think I can best utilize to fulfill that end, and do it to my very best.

He does not care so much as to what you use to glorify Him, but more so that you do.

So housekeepers, you were warned of the arrival of this guest.

I can already hear the nails falling down in unconsciousness; the result of being hit by a hammer.