You knew me as a child,
But it doesn't give you the right to treat me as such.
I'd rather much prefer if we dealt with things like matured, upfront adults.
Monday, November 16, 2009
I cannot have you
I hate you,
Oh for what you are.
That for you, I crave,
And are that which I desire.
That for your warm embrace,
I lust.
And even though so very wrong,
Like smoke, control eludes my grasp.
Innocence is fragile,
And before you, I shatter.
Oh for what you are.
That for you, I crave,
And are that which I desire.
That for your warm embrace,
I lust.
And even though so very wrong,
Like smoke, control eludes my grasp.
Innocence is fragile,
And before you, I shatter.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
The New House
This was ages ago before we moved in while the house was still a bare bone and absolutely empty. =)
Continuation
So, my life after NS...
It was all too easy to adjust back and slip into old habits. It made me question how far the governments good intentions are going to carry when there's no follow up program and no personal incentive to live with the "values" that they forcibly imparted.
When the government picked me for national service I bet they didn't pause to think twice about the social ramifications it would have on my life. Well okay, they didn't. A computer randomly selected us trainees. Sure it may cause a hiccup in my life, but what off teens from financially tight families who are working two jobs to support their siblings? That's going to cause more than a hiccup. Machines are cold and impersonal and know nothing about how it'll affect someone's life by changing the binary code assigned to their name from a zero to a one.
Three months is not much in the overall scope of one's life, but it's sure enough to fall out from most of one's social circles. I feel even more isolated from people than before, as if my brief absence aided my deviant personality in further alienating people from me. Any depth I had fought to obtain, gone with the erosion of time. Though people say I'm sociable, I find it hard to relate to others. I'm perceptive and that makes it easy for others to relate to me, but the same is not always true the other way around.
I feel like a blood O- donor; able to give to everyone but only able to receive from the exact same type.
I feel as if I'm closed off inside a bubble outside of which is vacuum, screaming as tension pulls me apart but unheard in the endless void of space.
I feel like eating dinner now.
It was all too easy to adjust back and slip into old habits. It made me question how far the governments good intentions are going to carry when there's no follow up program and no personal incentive to live with the "values" that they forcibly imparted.
When the government picked me for national service I bet they didn't pause to think twice about the social ramifications it would have on my life. Well okay, they didn't. A computer randomly selected us trainees. Sure it may cause a hiccup in my life, but what off teens from financially tight families who are working two jobs to support their siblings? That's going to cause more than a hiccup. Machines are cold and impersonal and know nothing about how it'll affect someone's life by changing the binary code assigned to their name from a zero to a one.
Three months is not much in the overall scope of one's life, but it's sure enough to fall out from most of one's social circles. I feel even more isolated from people than before, as if my brief absence aided my deviant personality in further alienating people from me. Any depth I had fought to obtain, gone with the erosion of time. Though people say I'm sociable, I find it hard to relate to others. I'm perceptive and that makes it easy for others to relate to me, but the same is not always true the other way around.
I feel like a blood O- donor; able to give to everyone but only able to receive from the exact same type.
I feel as if I'm closed off inside a bubble outside of which is vacuum, screaming as tension pulls me apart but unheard in the endless void of space.
I feel like eating dinner now.
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