Tuesday, April 28, 2009

State Trip

Did an edit of some footage I took while I was in the states. =)

Saturday, April 25, 2009

A task that I both succeeded and failed at

A steady beat is tattooed upon my eardrums

A song I like

It's my stop

And the same applies for everyone else, the hundreds of them

A rush of people as we all abandon the train

Flowing down the stairs as a liquid, I am the only Chinese in sight

Everyone else is Malay

Everyone is bumped and pushed around as they rush to stick their ticket into the machine, giving them access to the open space beyond

I am not part of that everyone

And I am given a wide girth

It's probably because my hairdo has a tendency to make strangers nervous

They all head in one direction, and I in the other

Apparently everyone is here to see Selangor's state team play soccer

I am not part of that everyone either

So I cross the street, away from the hustle

And join the group of people waiting for taxis

I notice a Malay lady with two young children, aged between 2 and 5

While she cradles the younger one against her chest, she attempts to flag down a cab

There are two people in front of her

Two cabs pull up

Two for two

And so the woman is disregarded

We stand there for a further 10 minutes as a lull in the frequency of cabs decided to take hold

During that duration more people take up their positions in front of us

A cab drives by, already holding a passenger

The all so common raiser of short lived hope

And then it approaches, the first empty cab in what seemed like an eternity

I walk out further than anyone else to flag the cab

Oddly enough the cab heads for me, almost as if to reward my initiative

Or maybe it was heading for the woman with the children

I won't know as she was rather close behind me

I gesture to the woman; A silent communication letting her know that I've decided to let her take the cab

She raises a hand in a silent word of thanks

And then the cab driver decides that he doesn't want to take the woman to where she needs

It's too far, or in the wrong direction

Or for some other meaningless reason it's too much trouble it seems, to aid her and her two children

He drives off before anyone else can get to him

What an oddity

I am annoyed

Another lull in taxis, so soon that it seems cruel

It's been half an hour that I'm standing here now, waiting

And for her, even longer

A silver car then proceeds to pull up on the opposite side of the road

As prearranged, my father has arrived to pick me

So I cross and get in

And as a different beat starts to tattoo itself upon my eardrums

I wonder if the woman noticed that I was trying to flag down a cab for her

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Light can be unwelcomed

Raw and unchecked, expressive in ways I shouldn't be.

Deliberately revealing things about myself which others might think to hide.

I'll put on no facade for this is what I can be at times; An ugly person.

But I'm an ugly person who knows it, and who doesn't care for pretending.


I'm not afraid to embarrass myself, or show weakness, or flaw.

I wont fear to show the world what I really am.

And even if I am rejected in my entirety, I wont care.

For I'm secured in the knowledge that my strength is not dependent upon acceptance.


I believe in being honest to one's own self.

Alongside which comes being honest about one's self.


Frankly, I'm sick of pretending to be what I'm not.


And so begins this brutal crusade to light up some of my dark corners.


Apologies if my light accidentally shines into some of your own.


Or maybe I'm not sorry.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

On the topic of cussing

Okay so a lot of people have been complaining about me cussing on my blog. Allow me to explain.

Someone once told me that the utilization of swear words were reserved for people who were too inarticulate to express themselves otherwise. That cussing was for people without enough linguistic prowess, or for people who were simply just not polished enough.

Well doubtless to say, I am not lacking in linguistic skill. Maybe it's because I'm an unpolished person then.

Yes... That must be it. Unpolished seems to fit in with my personality anyways. Look at my room and you'll get the idea.


Or maybe it's because sometimes an emotion simply cannot be expressed otherwise. Maybe it's because an emotion is so crude, it cannot be translated into words in an elegant way.

Maybe it's because sometimes the most polished, elegant, and efficient way of portraying something is not by using a string of muted words, but with a single word. Would you rather read an entire paragraph on a detached emotion, or understand and empathize with it in a single syllable?


Option 1: I am currently feeling a negative emotion associated with anger which makes me want to either punch something violently, thus damaging it and releasing some of my tension, or surrender myself to a temporary but satisfying depression.

Option 2: Fuck.

I'm an expressive person. I think I'll stay with the latter for now.


Sorry if I offended anyone.

Crap, Utter Crap

To work for something.

Correction, to strive.

To set your eyes upon that which you desire.

To sweat blood in order to achieve it.

To run so hard that every step is an eternity.

To sacrifice in order to obtain.

To hurt but persevere.

To sacrifice more.

To reach out.

To stretch one's fingers within reach.

And to have it snatched away.

Permanently.



Life can be a bitch.

Fuck this.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

A friendship lost, A world divorced

Tensions run high, higher,
Very much like the over tightening of a tight rope,

With me and you on opposite sides,

And everything at stake balancing precariously in between.


And amongst all that is poised to fall and plummet,

Turned loose the moment the cable snaps,

Are whole parts of ourselves,

Exchanged and given within a friendship.



Tensions fall low, lower,

Very much like a cable uncoiling itself to the ground,

A once taut ideal of what would last,

Now a bittersweet memory of things soon forgotten.


And amongst the things soon to be lost,

Given to the shroud of everything unremembered,
Are the parts of ourselves and of each other,
That we selfishly tossed so we didn't have to love.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Billings_MT

Well as most of you know, I've been away for the past two weeks visiting the states with my father. The first leg of our journey was to Billings.

I got to experience a rather wide variety of things while I was there.


I got to see the most snow I've ever seen in my life.

I got to hang out with people from an entirely different culture.

I got go hiking in frigid weather.

I got to eat wild game.

I got to snowboard.

I got to watch a movie on a 10 feet screen.

I got to learn some stuff about video editing.

I got to sit in a hot tub while 15 inches of snow fell around me.

I got to make a snow midget.

I got to drift in an Audi.


Well that's just the gist of it really.

Americans are interesting people. They are not unlike Malaysians in many ways, yet differ from us in more ways than I thought possible.

When it comes to teenagers, the core elements remain.

The desire to be accepted, to be appraised, to be with the 'in' crowd. Teenagers will be teenagers. You get the point.

But looking beyond that and more into their culture, that's where the differences lay.


Americans have a heightened sense of individuality. They also often have the desire to express that individuality. So between that and a fear of offending others, a balance must be struck. Of course this doesn't refer to all Americans. Just some.

Another thing about them. They are way more upfront about things. Something I've decided that I like. Oftentimes when they have something on their mind that they want to say, they will, unless they think it might severely offend someone maybe. It goes back to the precarious balancing thing. And then you'll have those that'll say anything anyways. Which kinda reminds me of Ty, you stereotypical American kid. But I love you, so you'll forgive me. =)

They are also way more friendly to strangers. I don't know how far that friendliness stretches, but for most of the part they seem pretty helpful.

Back to the kids of America. They all seem to mature so much faster than they do here. They grow up at an earlier age you might say. They also value creativity and intellect. What I am unsure of however, is whether they grow in depth at an earlier age, or whether they just aren't willing to be vulnerable.

That's one thing about their culture that's similar to ours. They are conditioned to think that they are supposed to be strong individuals, with nothing to pull them down. They always have that happy go lucky, trivial attitude that majority of the teenagers here have too.

All the above statements are of course based on my limited interaction with them and may of course be inaccurate. Feel free to right my wrongs... =P


So anyways there are some funny things about America. Like the way they drive on the other side of the road, which pretty much freaked the hell outta me for the first day or so. (definitely or so) They also don't care much for instant coffee, which starts to make sense when you see the number of their coffee shops. There is also possibly not a single building without WiFi. It's too easy to stay connected there. And the internet speeds they get there are so fast, it's disgusting really. It's practically been torture since I've gotten home. Which leads me to another facet.

The temperature and humidity. While I was there the temperatures were always lingering around zero degrees Celsius, with a variance of about 4. Humidity levels were also incredibly low.

So instead of suffering for 2 weeks, I decided to get used to the weather there.

I did.

Big mistake.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HOT AND HUMID IT IS IN MALAYSIA.

My air conditioning unit is blasting air that's as cold as it can, and I'm shirtless and still hot. -.-'


Anyways after Billings, we dropped by Grand Rapids to visit my sister.

I got to check out the campus, and their rock climbing gym. Which is awesome might I add.

I also got to compress some philosophical discussions into neat 30 minute sections. Now though I wish they could have been longer, they'll have to suffice till Sarah gets back in the summer.


Now that pretty much sums up my trip to the states. A detailed story would take way too long to write here so just ask me in real life. I'm also not going to post up any photos because the internet here is just too much of a pain to use. When I get my external hard drive I'll edit some of the footage I caught and I'll post it up here.


So the journey home took 34 hours all in all. The longest portions being a 12 hour flight, a 7 hour flight, and an 8 hour transit in Singapore. The rest went somewhere. But it wasn't all wasted time. On one of the flights I looked out of the window and saw some clouds, which prompted the following poem.


I gaze down upon white curtains of clouds,
With the knowledge that you are gazing back up.

And while I see a veil that separates us,
You see a dog, your gramma's face, or whatever it is you see.

An obstruction to what could be something beautiful,
Is seen by you as the object of beauty itself.

I'm sure that we're both staring at the same cloud,
Sure that if not for it our eyes would meet.

And while I write this bold metaphor,
You gaze at this friendship, and think it beautiful.
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