Bubble

So little over a month ago I was planning to get a line, and endeavored on starting a blog. Writing my first post in Word, I figured I'd post it first chance I got. Unfortunately, neither did I get a line, nor start a blog. So forgotten was the idea, until I started frequenting my friends' houses. Oh sweet internet (fast too), I would be so pissed off without you. Which means I am pissed off... So here was that first post.


11:42 PM 8/22/2007

Why is it that the people who care the most are the ones who don't know the real me? Why is it that the ones who take the trouble to ask me how I feel, are the ones who don't know how I feel? why is it that every time I sink, there will always people to push me lower? Why is it that theres always someone who will seize the opportunity to push my head under the water? I'm already choking, and sinking, on all the grime of broken promises and hurts. Why cant you just let me get some air before I sink again? Cant the ones who really matter just come to me and say sorry, sorry for the hurt I've caused, maybe next time I'll go mess up someone else's life.

Why is it that the only people who don't fall into any of the categories above aren't around anymore?

My sister left for the united states today. I felt absolutely miserable and torn up over it, but I didn't cry. I didn't because I knew she'd be back and we'd always share the close bond we always had. After she left? Major fallout with my 'rents. Perfect timing. Left me feeling like the only one who truly cared about my feelings was in an airplane 500 miles away and only getting further. It was then that it hit me. All those times when I was hurt to bits the one person I'd run to would be my sister. There she'd give me a hug, and she'd care, really care. She wouldn't always side me, most of the time not actually. But she'd reason with me, and help me figure things out and get things straight in my head. She'd sometimes say things that hurt because I know they're true and all, but I'd always leave feeling much better than the previous shit-like condition. I'd always feel better because she'd care about my feelings, not about just me and what I'm doing. She'd treat me like a person, one who breaths, lives, and feels. Not a person who does actions with no intention. and thats what would make me feel better at the end of the day. So great, she's not around and I'm left staring at a vacant room filled with memories, happy and sad, while howling my eyes out... And in the time it took me to type this far, she's probably another 50 miles further.

Why is it the only people who care are the ones who cant?

I see now why its so easy to conform. I see why its so easy to be a blissful carefree person. Cause ignorance is bliss. all you have to do is keep your mind occupied enough to forget your troubles, forget that you're sinking, and you can eventually fool yourself into believing that you're happy.


So sink, sink in the imaginary shell of happiness you've created.
A shell so thick with delusion,
That even the deluded are unaware.
Yet a shell so fragile, that once easily broken,
Reality comes crashing down in all its entirety.
But why does that matter?
Why does the awareness of sinking matter?
After all, oh how very adept we have become
at deluding ourselves into rebuilding the shell,
Time,
After time,
After time,

And time again...


I refuse. i adamantly refuse. I will not fool myself into being unaware. So what if you think I'm a lonely kid who's plagued by more troubles than he can handle? At least I$'m dealing with my problems rather than ignoring them. So what if I chose to rain on a parade? Heck I do my best not to, but if I'm feeling down, don't expect me to pretend to be happy just so you wont be pissed. I do what I feel is right.

Deal with it.

I know I'm dealing with it... At least I'm trying... It gets harder. But It doesn't mean I'm going to stop. Whatever I do, I am not going to conform to something I don't agree with. Jeez you sheep, stick up for what you believe in. Screw peer pressure.

You can live in your self enclosed shell of self invented lies if you want. I'm not going to. Life is one hell of a ride and the only way your going to learn something is by going through every up and down and corkscrew bend triple half-loop deluxe insane quad upside down loop-de-loop there is. You come out fried, bumped up, and feeling like shit but if you pull through you become that much stronger than you were before. It ain't gonna happen in that bubble of yours though. You gotta let it down and rough it out. But if you chose to wallow in self pity and stay in that rut, fine, but your going to stay there all your life.

I'm so not going to.


Yea, so I miss you like heck sis... But have the best time of your life, learn everything you can, and come back a person who's seen more in life than before. I love you to absolute bits...


So pretty bubble, floating past,
Tell me your story.
How old are you?
Oh, two weeks?
*POP*
Opps...

Lol......