My First Kiss

It was a gorgeous day.
The sun was lazily shining
Warming the pavement,
And the wind blew leaves in circles.

But we weren’t out there to enjoy the day.
We were in her room.
It was that day, that she introduced me,
To a world I had never been to before.

I was only twelve, or was I thirteen?
It didn’t matter because it was only us.
Just me, and her, and nothing to stop us,
From what awaited me.

Our tongues could not stop,
And we dove with much eagerness,
Into an experience that I would never forget,
Not soon anyway.

It was exhilarating!
It was amazing!
It was beyond what my words can describe,
And it was something I would long for so often.

From that day onwards,
The world would be bland.
Taste would be tasteless,
And I would never be the same.

She, was my sister.
And she was responsible
For introducing me to a world,
I now live for.

She had given me my first kiss,
With a little thing called deep conversation.

I never knew what it was like to share one’s deep feelings and emotions with another. Hey, I was a kid. Thankfully, Sarah dragged me to the deep end of the pool, and finding I could swim, I’ve never truly wanted to get out.

I think your first deep conversation is much like your first kiss. It starts as awkward, then it becomes natural, then all of a sudden you don’t want to stop.

But alas, she’s in Michigan now, isn’t she?

Ever since Sarah left, I’ve been craving for deep conversation. I’ve been craving for something meaningful beyond the funny scenes in a movie we just watched, or the quality of the maggi goreng we just ate. It’s incredibly frustrating when it seems that you’re the only one who wants to enter an emotionally vulnerable conversation. It’s so incredibly frustrating.

In one of the conversations me and Sarah had, we were puzzling at something I still can’t figure out.

Is everyone capable of deep conversation?

I seek it everywhere but rarely find any. I make myself vulnerable and open myself up. But a one way conversation is as lost as talking to your shampoo bottle. Really.

An odd paradox to this is the fact that deep conversations are lurking around every corner, ready to be discovered and unleashed. They seem to hide in the most unlikely of places, but when they make themselves known, appear to have always been there, waiting. The other day I was talking to a very dear friend of mine, Kathy. Well, at least this generation considers instant messaging as a form of talking. But out of the blue, a conversation worth while, and an hour well spent. To my absolute delight, I discovered she had also been seeking a meaningful conversation for some time too! At last I am not alone. There is someone my age who thinks deep and isn’t afraid to show it.

I truly cherish these conversations. They aren’t the same as the day to day exchanging of words. They hold weight. Serious weight. We often forget the mindless replies and quick witted retorts we utter from our mouth, but these? These valued gems? I do not forget them. They glitter in the sunlight and continue to sparkle for years to come. (Think “Diamonds Are A Girls Best Friend”… Haha)

Another funny thing is that when you get what you ask for, you certainly get it alright. The very next day, I was sitting down with Veron, (Hi Aunty!!!) and we just started chatting about random stuff. This random chat, of course, evolved into an exchange of opinions. An exchange of somewhat personal opinions. Oh I so value these conversations.

This seems to be turning into a post about things I find funny or odd.

Yeah, yet another thing I find funny, is that the majority of deep conversations I have, are with girls. Is it because females are more willing to open up? Or is that males make themselves vulnerable in front of women? Or do they just flex their muscles and strut? Haha. Maybe men are just less willing to open up to other men. You know, the whole no hugging or showing any signs of affection thing. Funny thing; male ego. It can be such a bother

So thank you, Kathy and Veron, for supplying me with one of my life’s few essentials, and for keeping me sane. Thank you so much, Sarah, for the years of jewelry we’ve collected together, and for being the one who started it all

So here I am, in my quest for deep, meaningful conversation.

And like your first kiss, you always come back for more.