Don't Ask

And so things spiral downwards once more, as I'm trapped between what I wish to say, and what I cant say.

It is NOT fair to pin someone in a position where he has to either give a definitive yes or no, or reveal that he is not at the liberty to disclose something. Because the latter is as revealing as any other answer, shedding so much more light than anyone on the wrong side of the query would wish; the equivalent of an awkward silence ensuing an inapt question.

I'm not insulted that you asked a sensitive question, because it wasn't. I'm simply pissed because you asked a potentially volatile question and that you were willing to put me in that kind of situation. And though I wasn't on the wrong side of the question, I very well could have been. And if you were willing to place me there once, you'd be more than willing to place me there again. Next time I may not be so fortunate.

So next time, think before you ask a question. Consider the consequences of the answer you'll get, or the position you'll put the person in if he can't answer. Because the moment that you do ask, you may either doom yourself to the fate of finding out something you do not want to know, or you'll be forcing me to lie through my teeth.

Or rather, don't ask...

1.27.1991

So at long last, I'm 18. Supposedly a milestone. Yet another reminder that I'm growing closer to the age of people that I feel comfortable around. (with a couple of exceptions)

For once, I had no plans whatsoever for my birthday. I ended up eating with my extended family, and had an impromptu meet with Sean (an awesome friend) and Lewis (a terrible friend). Guess which one of them forgot my birthday. Haha. Well I wont condemn him. I forget people's birthdays too. *grins sheepishly*

And so I'm finally at the age where I'll actually be considered as the person who I've been for some time. Someone slightly more grown up than a teenager, and perhaps my views will start being valued as that of one too.

No, I don't have any new plans or resolutions or principals to set for myself. Those were set some time ago. There's no point procrastinating them in order to form them on a milestone.


One decision I've made though.

Regardless of who I am today, I will strive towards the person whom I wish to be in the future. Thus doing so, the person I was, and am, is of little consequence. Only the person I become.


So am I ready for all the responsibilities that come with age? No.

But I'll learn to be.

I'll grow into the person who can be.

Rant

We have purchased our continued existence with the currency of life. We sacrifice those lives in order that the rest may continue.

Uncountable billions of organisms die by disease so that earth is not over populated with one species, which unbalances our ecosystem. But then humans decided to get smart and invented medicine, our most effective way of combating death.

Our world's population's growth:

Year	Population
1	200 million
1000	275 million
1500	450 million
1650	500 million
1750	700 million
1804	1 billion
1850	1.2 billion
1900	1.6 billion
1927	2 billion
1950	2.55 billion
1955	2.8 billion
1960	3 billion
1965	3.3 billion
1970	3.7 billion
1975	4 billion
1980	4.5 billion
1985	4.85 billion
1990	5.3 billion
1995	5.7 billion
1999	6 billion
2006	6.5 billion

In the past century (about as long as we've had conventional medicine), our population has doubled every 50 years, something considered (in comparison to our past) exponentially ridiculous.

And now we've grown into a more advanced race. We've advanced to the point where we no longer need to pay with our lives in order for our continued existence. (Instead, we pay with the lives of everything else around us)

We've advanced to the point where if we dedicate the effort, we don't need to needlessly waste lives, and we can live in harmony with the world. If we choose.

We've advanced to the point where we, as a race, no longer need wars to progress.

Competition has always been a crutch for progression. But now that we can walk without it, we stupidly choose to stick with old habits.

We dedicate an unproportionate amount of money into war efforts, while in comparison next to none towards research on clean energy.

We don't need war over petty issues. We need to *insert expletive*-ing save our planet so we don't get wiped out. So that our kids have a habitable planet to live on.

Here's something interesting. Some scientists figured out that if all the insects died all at once, within some years, all life on Earth would end. If all humans were wiped out, *big surprise here* all life would flourish.

Screw the world, and screw humanity.

Maybe we deserve to be wiped out.

Silence

Encapsulated by your silence is nothing,
And within that nothing is everything.

It is what you do not say.
And it is everything you do not say.

It is all you wish to say but do not.
And it is all you do not wish to say.

But I've grown close to you,
And this silence is a comfortable one.

So I'll stay silent and encapsulated by my silence,
Will be everything that I wish I could tell you.

Say what?

For more on this subject, please refer to.... Link

To the Pack

~Dedicated to the original group of us, now all over the world. And as we used to say, skin...

It somewhat interests me to see,
How different we've all turned to be.
From times where difference counted scant,
To times where people change for want.

It once was just the bunch of us,
With our own ways and our own turf.
But now we've altered one by one,
Revised by acts and things we've done.

Now the most of us have gone,
Spread between these places torn.
For one wish or just one chance,
I'd have us all, as we were once.

We are diverse yet unified,
For therein lies our will to fight.
Run we will and run we must,
But always keep in mind our past.

Know that though our likeness wanes,
Our bonds will always stay the same.
Stay the same or change and strive,
I'll treasure all of you for life.

To the man in the dirt green plaid shirt and black shorts,

You fail.

You failed the moment you decided to stick your hand in my pocket while I was being jostled into the train the other day. You are so lucky there wasn't enough space for you in the train or I'd have dragged you in and knocked you senseless.


First of all, I was wearing fitting jeans. Which basically means that I can feel when someone's heading for the cellphone in my left pocket.

Secondly, you should have gone for my iPod, which I had clearly used and returned to my right pocket. You should have noticed that my phone was somewhat outdated in comparison and even if you weren't sure which pocket the iPod was in, you could always have followed the trail of my headphones.

Thirdly, while I was sitting on the bench waiting for the train to come, you should have noticed that I wasn't slouching, nor were my eyes idling away. I wasn't being inattentive.

Failing the above three, you should at least have noticed the metal clip sticking out of my back pocket along with the top of my switchblade, before deciding to pick pocket me. You had a full 23 minutes to realize that.

If it hadn't been for my being pushed into the train by the crowd, I would have drawn it just to scare you.

Okay. Wait.

I'm sorry.

I couldn't possibly expect you to have noticed the knife.

But at least you could have taken a hint from my hairdo?

And while I was entering the train, you could have tried to yank your hand away before I fully tightened my grip on your wrist.

I am sincerely sorry for whatever damage my left thumb digging into your wrist might have caused.


Maybe you just started your new hobby.

Maybe you'll get better.

Or maybe you'll meet another sharp witted guy in less fortunate circumstances and be beaten to a pulp.

Either ways, as a pick pocket, you fail.


You epic fail.

Trust

I wonder if my trust has been misplaced,
A mistake made in the flurry of haste.

Has a need to turn these wrongs to right,
Made me into someone, even I don't like?

Have I let myself down, all over again,
Traversed the same old trodden lane.

To blunder and fall in my quest to do good,
And made things much worse, than it should.

I trusted myself to turn out alright,
But perhaps I picked wrong, due to lack of foresight.

Maybe I'm not the one to bring change,
And I find that rather odd and strange.

Cause I've always seen myself as the kind,
To influence those whom which influence can find.

So tonight I'll think and ponder a lot,
As to what my good intentions begot.

To meddle, change, and alter I might,
But from now on, my trust, will be based on hindsight.

Fear

I really like this article.

As in really.

Moving Through Fear - By Dan Edwardes

2009

And so comes another year,
Bringing with it what it will.
Here comes another chance,
To turn my dreams to something real.

Come...

I'm waiting...